Do you know what Mitt Romney’s Secret Sevice code name is? “Javelin.” Yes, that’s really true, and what’s more he chose it himself.
I’ve always believed that you can learn a lot a about a person by how they describe themselves. Apparently, Mitt sees himself as an inanimate object. Shockingly, that shows an uncharacteristic level of self-awareness on his part. But let’s not miss the subtlety in his spearheadedness. He also sees himself as a weapon that other people can aim, toss and throw around as they please. Can’t you just picture Ted Nugent picking up Mitt and heaving him across the room at Joe Biden?
For the altogether too brief time that he was an active candidate, Rick Santorum called himself Petrus, in honor of St. Peter. Personally, I don’t think that was too smart of Frothy. Imagine the scene at the Pearly Gates: “What’s your name, my son?” “Petrus.” St. Peter shakes his head and points downward, “You said all that crazy shit in MY name? Get the hell out of here!”
Newt’s Secret Service name is, well, still a secret. Much like his campaign. But people tell Mama things (especially Secret Service agents), so I can now reveal it here for the first time. Based on a careful analysis of his integrity and fiscal responsibility, Newt Gingrich has been issued the only code name that fits him perfectly: “Madoff.”