The Big Dog ate the Republicans for dinner last night! And when he was done, I wanted to eat him with a spoon for his total deliciousness. In 48 minutes, Mama went from gay to questioning faster than you can say, “It takes some brass.”
Bill Clinton is Elvis. But unlike Elvis, he never leaves the building. And nobody wanted him to leave. I wasn’t in the hall, but anyone watching could tell that it was like Clintonstock. People would have stayed all night in their sleeping bags just so they wouldn’t miss a word:
“In Tampa, the Republican argument against the president’s re-election was actually pretty simple — pretty snappy. It went something like this: We left him a total mess. He hasn’t cleaned it up fast enough. So fire him and put us back in.”
I was watching from my hotel room with pizza and wine and my two new best friends, the Charlotte man who came over to do my hair and his husband, who came with him. (Note to self: Get a bigger suitcase so next time I can just pack up the great gay hairdresser and take him home with me.)
My favorite line of the night was this one:
“Now, people ask me all the time how we got four surplus budgets in a row. What new ideas did we bring to Washington? I always give a one-word answer: Arithmetic!”
When I see my 89-year-old Republican mother on Friday, it’s going to really surprise her when I tell her that I’ve finally found a man that I can truly love.
But maybe I’ll wait until after we finish our drinks to tell her that his name is Bill Clinton …
(Photo: Getty Images)
