Get on TV: Haiku Movie Review for the Last Film You Saw

Inglorious Basterds:

Rewriting The War
Tarantino Takes Revenge
The Theatre Cheers

The Ugly Truth-

Players and uptight
women make a match-mate in
heaven........Not really.

I saw a show on television, Titled " Extremes" - IndieSex which featured movies involving actual sex... Why can't americans get over their prudishness....?

Orphan

Nine-Year Old Woman
Becomes Crazy Man-Eater
Whip Your Penis Out

Post Grad

Hey, it's the girl from Gilmore Girls
She finally graduated from college!
Wait.. MySpace?

inglorious Basterds.

Tanrintino, is
Killing lots of Nazis, with...
Brad Pitt of the South?

even more Basterds
Blood Blood Everywhere!
Coming from a scalp. EWWW! EWWW!
Now there's Puke on me!!!

[Inglourious Basterds]

Wolfenstein 3D
and inglourous basterds
dead Nazis EQUAL good

World's Greatest Dad yay!
Robin William's a pansy
Spy Kid: scat fetish

For: Inglorious Bastards

Talking Talking
Boring
Boom Boom Bang Bang
Holy Crap, Can They do That?

Inglourious Basterds

Moustaches Abound
Brad Pitt's is big, Hitler's small.
There's a movie too!

Inglourious Basterds:

Bold Tarantino
rewrites World War 2 events.
Die Nazi scum, die!

It is super sad

When the best character is

A freaking Nazi ;)

Kill Bill Vol. 2:

So after all that,
She kills him with just one move?
Anticlimactic.

Inglourious Basterds

american jews
live out dream to kill hitler
death by cinema

Tarantino is
controlling my emotions
glorious bastard

District 9:

Lots of great action

and comedy too because

of a flying pig.

G.I. J.O.E

Look at that explosion
Wow He Said
Plot Who Needs One

For Land of the Lost

Will Farrel again
Sent to intergalactic
Land of the Lost...jokes?

for:
crank two: high voltage...

ta-da! got no heart
too much action... basically
he swears and finds boobs!

For District 9

Aliens come to Earth
But not to kill or hurt
We treat them like dirt

IF you went to the
future
why the red blue
3d glasses

Julie and Julia:

So much food. Never
watch on an empty stomach.
Actors are there too.

Bruno:

Man-parts all over.
Did not mind much. Though talking
shlong made me lose lunch.

(And it rhymes. How bout that?)

HP6

Did not get past book
five. Gave away surprise. Thanks
a lot David Yates.

P.S. I don't think many people here understand the concept of a haiku. It's not just three lines of nonsense. There are rules.

For the goods live hard sell hard
used car salesmen plot
no boobies and sex heck ya
car salesmen not evil

District 9

Subtle Metaphor?
APARTHEID!!, ok got it
People can be dicks

(or jerks if you can't say "dicks" on current)

Ponyo

Love story for children
Storms from global heat nightmare
Take care of the ocean

Rambo

Rambo's new mission
Violent, blood and gore filled
Mission resolved

Time Traveler's Wife

Time Travel, Awesome!
Wife whining for the whole film...
Come back wasted time!

"District 9" Haiku.

Humans scare creatures.

They are forced to move from slums,

but now they have guns.

Ponyo

"Disney released Ponyo
Voiced by Jones and Cyrus
A great film.....but Why?"

For District 9:

Alien slum needs reform
Bureaucrat sent to get it done
What could go wrong?

Time Traveler's Wife
It's a snoozer at best
Just go read the book

District 9

Prawns and humans talk,
Though none speak the others' tongue.
Weird. It's like Star Wars.

The Goods

Gifted carsalesman
Puts his goods upon display.
Needs a microscope.

District 9

Film on apartheid.
How to put it on big screen?
Alien robots.

because i have spent my nights in between finals and grading being thoroughly entertained by viral video film school - which totals over an hour and a half of video in all - which is equivalent to a movie :-) ...

To Brett:

Did you say fodder?
Viral Film School 5-9-8...
Ah, but ssmetal, ha!

:-) Kudos

Paper Heart:

Half authentic doc'
Half romantic mock', one whole...
Quirky love story!

GI Joe Movie!?
cartoonish 80's revision
geeks are just old kids

For G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra:

Cobra Commander,
why is your voice not raspy?
You sound like Destro.

G.I. Joe

Joe Sixpack is mad
he found out this film's set in ...
France! That's SOCIALIST!

The Hurt Locker

Very Good Film
Proves Iraqi War
Made More Sense in '04

500 Days of Summer

movie about love
speaks to indie aesthetics
she always dumps you

Julie and Julia

Two movies in one.
Ms. Streep béarnaise manifique
Ms. Adams mayo.

Funny People:
Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, death, dick.

Watership Down

Aww look, a bunny!
Wow, it's getting ripped apart...
Really? A Kid's film?

Just like Transformers
Big explosions, Bad story
GI Joe sucked ass/GI Joe was bad

(whichever one you want)

3 haikus for "A Perfect Getaway":

pretty scenery
that didn't stop me wanting
to stab my eyes out

film thinks it's clever
referencing its own self
"scream" in hawaii

trail is lovely but
the real fun is seeing a
guy tie his scalp on

Harry Potter 6

Boy saving the world
With spells,potions and broomsticks?
Get a better job.

Twilight

A girl loves a boy
A blood sucker with glitter?
Waste of our time...

For Coraline on DVD:
Run, Coraline,Run!
The other mother's coming
And scares MY mom, too.

The movie: Gran Torino

Old man versus gang
Shouldn't you be in diapers?
Felt bad for your dog

Ponyo

Fish meets boy, becomes girl.
discovers friendship, love, kindness, sadness and heartache
for true love, love fish

The Sound of Music:

American actors
Dirndl, yodel, wurst… in English.
Cliché!!! But… about whom?

The Ziegfeld follies:

Guys dance together...
Music! Colors make you high...
Ziegfeld owns Woodstock!

Funny People:

Irony and sarcasm are "in"
Underneath laughs lie emotions
Comedians feel things too

Orphan

Orphan, has an orphan
the title told me that
i was scared sh*tless

Just rewatched WATCHMEN on DVD

Copious blue wang
Will mutant man save the world?
As it turns out, no

Funny People Haiku:

Funny turns to sad,
But it really pays the bills.
Feed bad for me please

(500 Days of Summer)

Romance for hipsters,
Indie name dropping abound,
Must end ironic.

Eagle Eye
LeBouf is a twin
yet twin is secretly bad
about this, care not

Saw

Two Chained In A Room
Flash Back Plot Twists Saw Off Foot
Killer In Plain Sight

Run Fat Boy Run

Dennis Leaves Preg-go
Big Fat Dennis Still Loves Ex
Twists Ankle Gimp Race

Knowing:

M. Night Shyamalan
His style of plot, without
the good directing.

500 Days of Summer

If Einstein were here,
He would need to get his cut:
String Theory Rom-com.

Over the Top
Arm wrestle for love
Change your grip and you will win
Your son's heart that is

Harry Potter 6
Not saying a thing
Some haven't finished the book
Or seen the movie

The Ugly Truth
I've seen this before
It was called "Someone Like You"
No. Seriously.

G-Force
Hampster Action Flick!!!
Oh no, look out Richard Gere!!
Wait...those were Gerbils

Deadgirl:

Two guys; one zombie.
Necrophilia ensues.
Friendship becomes strained.

The Hangover

A couple of friends go drinking. Laughter! Joy!
...........Dude, where's my friend?

(17 Again:)

High School Musical
star not that lame--even cool
But still plays bball

Harry, chosen one.
But there's no spell to avoid
Awkward kissing scenes!

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry loves Ginny
Ron makes out with weird fat girl
Wheres the end fight scene?

Sam Rockwell in Moon
His characters name was Sam
It was confusing

Harry likes ginny
Hermoine likes ron weasly
I didn't like it!!!

Harry acts pimp
Even though he cant be one
Ginny knows it too

Haiku Review of "The Loved One" (1965), Currently on TCM on Demand (Free Movies On Demand, Time Warner Cable NY)

The old guy from "Mad Men"
is young here, faking British,
Gothic, Trippy glee.

Harry Potter:

romance, not action
Harry Potter - with zombies!
should have left it there

Harry Potter:

Ginny ties his shoes
a strange thing to do, really
that's wizard foreplay?

Imagine That:
Oh, Eddie Murphy.
Please, just stop making movies .
We all wish you would

Harry Potter 6:

Wizards are in love
This is so exciting…wait
Twilight with wizards

Harry Potter 6

Harry's a puzzle:
His glasses had no lenses
So how did he see?

I don't understand
How he had his mother's eyes
Won't she need them back?

Lots of teenage love
Spoiler: Dumbelore dies
...But that's about it.

500 Days:

Zooey...Zooey...*sigh*
I love you. And Gordon-Levitt??
Meh. He is a'ight.

Wall-E

Hot robots play house
Why does Eve look like a Mac?
Who cares! Wall-E's cute!!!

I Love You, Beth Cooper

Save the Cheerleader!
Yep, it's that chick from Heroes!
Save her from this flick!

The Reader

Kate Winslet's merkin,
steals the show from Ralph Fiennes',
'sad-Englishman' schtick.

Bruno with hp6

Bruno and Potter.
Both do a really good job,
With their wands. *Wink wink*

Bruno

This movie has more wands than Harry Potter.
is more offensive than Transformers
but not more funny than Borat.

(500) Days of Summer

Zooey Deschanel
And Joseph Gordon Levitt
Not a love story!

"Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince"

Agreed srb4887
Lots of set-up
and sexual tension
and where is the ending?
In the next show
Home rental this one is.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince:

There's lots of set-up!
What's this have to do with it?
Where's the conclusion?

Harry Potter: and the Half-blood Prince

Teenagers wizards
Terrible combination:
Spells and puberty

Nobody Knows About Persian Cats:

Iranian teens
Want band to tour in London
Need visas and shit

Oldboy:

Korean People
Are Seriously Messed Up
But So So Awesome

The Hangover:

Yeah It Was Funny,
But I Couldn't Stop Thinking
Dude, Where is my car?

-Sam Millar (Millarmouse)

The scar on the head
Is hard enough to live with
Dumbledore is hurt

- Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Se7en

Brad Pitt? Check. Sex? Check.
The Moral of the story?
Never eat spaghetti sauce.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince:

Bang! Magic, Laughs, Tears.
This movie is really good.
Crap, two more hours.

Haiku (Harry Potter):

Harry flicks wand.
Hormones fly magically.
Old man dies.
Teenagers cry.

Harry Potter

Have you spent your $10?
Dumbledore Dead, Harry not.
$$ Reimbursement spell $$

Pointing wands at me?
Better mean it, punk ass kid
hocus pocus bitch

Harry's so grown up
tracks down crying Drako, who
cant kill, so Snape does