John Fugelsang from the Jan. 11, 2013, edition of “Viewpoint.”
So the Oscars aren’t until Feb. 24., but to close out the week, I kind of want to honor some real theatrics in Washington, D.C., and present House Speaker John Boehner the award for “Best Distorting Actor.”
Of course, that’s not a real award. John Boehner’s only connection to the Oscars is when he sits at home with his screener of “Zero Dark Thirty” to watch the fun parts.
But remember when Congressman Peter King flipped out recently because House Republicans were blocking the vote on Hurricane Sandy relief funds? Peter King actually told Republicans in New York and Jersey not to donate to his party anymore — which proves my theory the Mayans may have only been off about two weeks.
Sixty-seven Republicans voted against the relief, by the way, so, shamed into action, Speaker Boehner assured us that Congress would authorize $60 billion for those devastated by the storm even though they live up in the Northeast and not in real America.
Well, my friends, it turns out John Boehner was only lobbying for the “Jean Hersholt Anti-Humanitarian Award.” Because so far, only $9 billion of that money has been sent. And now, instead of authorizing the rest of the money in a simple up-or-down vote, John Boehner — who, like Oscar, is stiff, metallic and oddly colored — wants to split the remaining $51 billion into two pieces. One bill for disaster insurance — that’s fine — and one for rebuilding infrastructure. This would then allow House Republicans to add unrelated spending cut offsets to the legislation. Essentially, they want to take the Sandy relief bill and water it down so much, Dick Cheney could take it to Gitmo and pour it on a detainee’s face.
So here’s my idea — what if we just rename the bill “The Supplemental Iraq War Funding and Tax Cuts for Millionaires Who Don’t Need Tax Cuts Second Amendment Protection Bill”? House GOP will make it law without even reading it.
And if that doesn’t work, we can only hope that Chris Christie might decide to go all “Django” on his own party.
And in fairness to our friends in the film industry, I realize the House GOP is really more like theater. Except actual theater, unlike John Boehner, creates jobs.