From the Feb. 12, 2013, edition of “Viewpoint.”
One of the most fun things after a State of the Union address is to take a look at who got to go. It’s not an easy ticket and one has to be invited.
Michelle Obama’s guest list included wounded warriors, educators, businesspeople, law enforcement and a 102-year-old woman who waited on line for hours in Florida to vote last fall.
Those admirable dignitaries, however, barely registered with the U.S. media compared to Texas Rep. Stephen Stockman’s guest — an admitted draft-dodger who once called Hillary Clinton a C-word and had to get a visit from the Secret Service after publicly threatening the life of our president. The name of said patriot?
Of course, Ted Nugent.
Now, Ted’s on the board of the NRA, and when he’s not throwing around the N-word in interviews he likes to have canned trophy hunts with his vast collection of firearms.
Ted did tell The New York Times he wouldn’t be packing at the speech, saying, “I’ve got to demilitarize before I go.” Of course, Ted can’t officially demilitarize, as he famously told High Times magazine that he defecated on himself during his draft board physical to avoid having to militarize in Vietnam — a war he, by the way, supported.
Now, I happen to love Ted Nugent. Not his music, of course. No, I’m a fan of comedy, so I’ve got a special place in my heart for Texas Republicans sucking up to a guy who wrote the song “Jail Bait,” a song that made Ted the Hank Williams of statutory rape ballads.
Now here’s the thing: Some outraged liberals are trying to ruin it all by protesting that a guy who threatened to assassinate the president was invited to the State of the Union. To which I say, liberals, please get a clue. Ted Nugent’s not ever going to kill the president. We already know Ted runs away from anything that can fight back.
See, what my progressive friends don’t understand is that every time Ted Nugent opens his mouth, hundreds of sane Americans realize they don’t want guys like that to have easy access to weapons. Liberals need to wise up and hail Ted Nugent as the accidental hero for gun control that he is. Because everyone has a right to freedom of speech, including Ted Nugent. In fact, that’s one of the sacred rights Ted defecated all over himself to avoid fighting for.
Ted Nugent, my friends, represents the idea that the worst of our citizens can embolden the best of our citizens, just by opening their big stupid mouths. I’m telling you, however eloquent President Obama’s words about passing new gun control might be, they won’t do as much to pass new gun laws as Ted Nugent’s inarticulate, racist, self-defeating, logic-free, amoral, dumb words.
And besides, look, the State of the Union is preempting Tuesday night’s showing of “Smash,” so no matter what, we all win.