Family // Current TV

Luxury, horror lurk in Gadhafi family compound

Moammar Gadhafi told his people he lived modestly during his nearly 42-year rule over... more

sitsi
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9 months ago
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Us Weekly, Life & Style Covers: Jennifer Aniston Preparing For A Baby, “It’s Twins”

This week’s Us Weekly and Life & Style covers share conjured stories about... more

Hollywoodite
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9 months ago
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Time for Family (Final Submission)

No matter the location, the new Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1 offers quality entertainment... more

BaniProductions
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10 months ago
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Deportation is Inhumane

The National Day Labor Organizing Network tries "TO IMPROVE THE LIVES OF DAY... more

Progresshiv
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10 months ago
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50 comments

Charlston Woman to go on trial for sex acts with stepson

Jenee Lynn Afzal, 36-year-old woman from Charleston, West Virginia, who was arrested... more

b2r
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10 months ago
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Flash Mobsters

Why is it that some people think that the best way to express their anger is to... more

Jim_Brenneman
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10 months ago
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2 comments

I Hate My Kids: The Call You Asked For

Sometimes when your kid does the right thing, he's still annoying.

TonyDiGerolamo
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10 months ago
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The Smurfs (2011) review

A review of The Smurfs starring Neil Patrick Harris, Jayma Mays, Hank Azaria, and a... more

evilbutters
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10 months ago
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Amy Winehouse: Sobered to Death!

What is the only thing more dangerous than washing down a quart of vodka with a gallon of gin? NOT doing that exact thing.

Amy Winehouse, VOICE of a TENTH of a generation and general pile of human mess, did not die as a result of the excesses of a lifestyle that made her biggest hit so ironic and adorable. She was MURDERED by SOBRIETY! CAPITAL LETTERS EXCLAMATION POINT!

According to “family sources” the shock to her body of not being pickled in delicious alcoholic beverages was just too much for it to bear, and after sucking every possible drop of life giving booze from every tissue in what was left of her musculature, her addled frame simply seized, unable to handle being separated from the only form of liquid inside it and tragically took the life of our precious, precious flower. To try to give you an example of what to compare this to, just imagine a car without oil, a Hybrid without hippie urine, or a Sheen not filled with Tigers,

You see, the family is saying that despite reports of Amy indulging in a 72 hour drink-a-thon prior to her “surprising” death, that the real reason for her demise is that she’s a stupid fuck. Their words, not mine. See she was supposedly instructed to gradually decrease her alcohol intake from “Norse Myth” levels to “Roman Orgy” levels and so on down the drunken scale, to carefully reduce the levels of fun in her body. And the woman that said “No, no, no.” to previous offers of assistance (according to FAMILY MEMBERS) told medical professionals that it’s all of nothing. She either never stops drinking or she never stops never drinking. And her family’s well reasoned hypothesis is that the sudden halt of personality swallows was too much of a shock to a self ravaged system.

And really, their “logic” is hard to argue. Alcohol is, after all, one of the essential building blocks of life. The human celebrity is composed of 62% alcohol, with the remaining 38% comprised of mainly amphetamines, opiates, cannabis and an over inflated sense of self worth and misguided feeling of invincibility. Exact amounts vary on a case by case basis. So asking a celebriwreck to abstain from alcoholic consumption, is tantamount to telling the Earth to go fuck it’s oceans. And then where would this fine planet of ours be? A shriveled, brown, husk of it’s former glory. Just like Amy Winehouse.

Now again, just to be perfectly clear, that’s not ME saying that; that’s “family sources”. I would never say such things, because I’m mostly not a lunatic. But I’m also not an alcohol doctor, so I don’t know, it may be entirely possible that suddenly stopping killing yourself could kill yourself. I’m not qualified to say one way or the other. The same way I’m not qualified to say that Amy Winehouse was a liquor fueled zombie who cruelly had her life source yanked away from her by “professionals” and “people who cared for her well being”, causing her to dry up like a neglected tin man, before falling over, shattering into a cloud of crusty, dehydrated slivers and being blown away on the breeze like a Spider-Man villain. That’s not for me to say, that’s for HER OWN FAMILY (according to a “source”) to say, which they have, in not so many words…

So what have we learned then from this brave, flimsy song drinker? Hmm? Well, we’ve learned that if you have flushed your system of all vital fluids and replaced them with 300 proof drinky fun times, apparently it’s better to quit gradually, allowing your body the opportunity to replenish your juices as the fermented happy liquids fighting the endless struggle of keeping you upright while simultaneously trying to knock you down, are being drained.

Secondly, if you have a family who in interview after interview kept telling who ever would ask them “It’s not a matter of if she’s going to die young and tragically, but when. If only there were something that I could do, because I apparently care ever so much, but alas, there isn’t.” and you expect them to have any sort of rational reaction to the “sudden” and ”unexpected” news of their relative passing, then you’re going to wind up with them blaming not being shot with bullets as the most likely cause of sudden acute deadness.

And third, and I think most importantly: as long as you keep drinking, you will never die. So pour me another glass of immortality juice and let’s party like if we ever stop it’ll kill us!

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For all of your rickety, primered, windowless comedy needs, visit:
vanfullofcandy.comWhat is the only thing more dangerous than washing down a quart of vodka with a gallon... more

VanFullOfCandy
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10 months ago
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Top Iowa Republican Tells Vander Plaats His ‘Credibility Is Waning to The Point Of No Impact’

I owa House Speaker Pro-Tem Jeff Kaufmann (R), who worked as a county chairman on... more

LOrion
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10 months ago
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1 comment

2 Dads, 2 Daughters, 1 Big Day : Question Finally Answered

For a long time Mintz and Feinblatt avoided an answer because, while they didn’t... more

LOrion
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10 months ago
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0 comments

Fabulous Girls Vs Slim Bitches|DJ Mona-Lisa Podcast|BlogTalkRadio

DJ Mona-Lisa relates to women who may have weight issues. The sensational broadcaster... more

DJMonaLisa
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10 months ago
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Article: Africa: State plans to slow down population growth

"Funding for family planning services will be increased as the government comes... more

frankpatton
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10 months ago
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Bigfoot Filmed by Family Camping in Osawatomie, Kansas (VIDEO)

At first glance I thought it was a baby gorilla, as they are known to walk on two legs... more

dryeraser
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11 months ago
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1 comment

Zookeeper (2011) review

A review of the Kevin James family comedy Zookeeper. I swear this movie felt like it... more

evilbutters
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11 months ago
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0 comments

Libyan Family Take Legal Action Against Nato

Lisa Holland, Sky correspondent, in Tripoli A family who say they lost five relatives... more

CarlosBobthe3rd
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11 months ago
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Live for the Moment: '4th and Forever' Sneak Peek

In this exclusive sneak peek at "Live for the Moment," running back Jeremiah Hollowell talks with friends and teammates about the violence in Long Beach. They've all heard about and seen some gruesome events, and Jeremiah was on a path toward similar danger until the birth of his son.

Watch an all-new "4th and Forever" episode Thursday at 9/8c.

"4th and Forever"" chronicles the 2010 football season of Long Beach Polytechnic High School, touted by Sports Illustrated as the "Sports School of the Century" and boasts the largest roster of high school players who have gone on to the NFL. After decades of success, Poly had a down year in 2009. They had their worst season in 15 years and lost to local rival Lakewood for the first time in over 25 years. After years of being pegged as "the team to beat," the aura of invincibility is gone. The players are worried that their hopes for a college scholarship have dimmed. The clock is ticking and the question is: Can Head Football Coach Raul Lara pull the team together for one more season of greatness? And, can the players avoid the temptations of the street, succeed in the classroom, and emerge victorious on the field?

Tune in Thursdays at 9/8c for all-new episodes of "4th and Forever."

For more, go to http://current.com/4thandForever

Current Media, the Peabody-and Emmy Award-winning television and online network founded in 2005 by Al Gore and Joel Hyatt, engages viewers with smart, provocative and timely programming -stories that no one else is telling in ways that no one else is telling them. Current's programming shines a light where others won't dare and boldly explores important subjects -- opening minds, sparking conversations and forming deep connections with its viewers. The channel's audience is comprised of affluent, curious, social and connected adults who crave the kind of entertaining, enlightening, witty and informative programming found on Current's TV and online properties. Current is now available via cable and satellite TV in 75 million households worldwide - 60 million households in the US - through distribution partners Comcast (Channel 107); Time Warner ; DirecTV (Channel 358 nationwide); Dish Network (Channel 196 nationwide); Verizon and AT&T. In the UK and Ireland, Current is available on BSkyB (Channel 183) and Virgin Media (Channel 155), and in Italy, Current is available on Sky Italia (Channel 130). Viewers can also find Current online at http://www.current.com.In this exclusive sneak peek at "Live for the Moment," running back Jeremiah... more

4thandForever
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12 months ago
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Back on Track: '4th and Forever' Sneak Peek

In this exclusive sneak peek at "Back on Track," Jeremiah's mother Margaret confronts him about his poor grades and threatens to pull him out of football if he doesn't make academics his first priority. She informs Jeremiah, to his chagrin, that she'll be coming to school with him until his grades improve.

"4th and Forever"" chronicles the 2010 football season of Long Beach Polytechnic High School, touted by Sports Illustrated as the "Sports School of the Century" and boasts the largest roster of high school players who have gone on to the NFL. After decades of success, Poly had a down year in 2009. They had their worst season in 15 years and lost to local rival Lakewood for the first time in over 25 years. After years of being pegged as "the team to beat," the aura of invincibility is gone. The players are worried that their hopes for a college scholarship have dimmed. The clock is ticking and the question is: Can Head Football Coach Raul Lara pull the team together for one more season of greatness? And, can the players avoid the temptations of the street, succeed in the classroom, and emerge victorious on the field?

Tune in Thursdays at 9/8c for all-new episodes of "4th and Forever."

For more, go to http://current.com/4thandForever

Current Media, the Peabody-and Emmy Award-winning television and online network founded in 2005 by Al Gore and Joel Hyatt, engages viewers with smart, provocative and timely programming -stories that no one else is telling in ways that no one else is telling them. Current's programming shines a light where others won't dare and boldly explores important subjects -- opening minds, sparking conversations and forming deep connections with its viewers. The channel's audience is comprised of affluent, curious, social and connected adults who crave the kind of entertaining, enlightening, witty and informative programming found on Current's TV and online properties. Current is now available via cable and satellite TV in 75 million households worldwide - 60 million households in the US - through distribution partners Comcast (Channel 107); Time Warner ; DirecTV (Channel 358 nationwide); Dish Network (Channel 196 nationwide); Verizon and AT&T. In the UK and Ireland, Current is available on BSkyB (Channel 183) and Virgin Media (Channel 155), and in Italy, Current is available on Sky Italia (Channel 130). Viewers can also find Current online at http://www.current.com.In this exclusive sneak peek at "Back on Track," Jeremiah's mother... more

4thandForever
added this
11 months ago
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1 comment

DJ Mona-Lisa (P*ssy On Amazon)

A realistic view of the present economy by radio broadcaster, DJ Mona-Lisa; realistic... more

DJMonaLisa
added this
11 months ago
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0 comments

Super Frat: A Four Beer Conversation

Your bros are not always the best people to share your darkest secrets.

TonyDiGerolamo
added this
11 months ago
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0 comments

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