France // Current TV

Paris -- The EU Division of Standard & Poor’s has notched down France’s world-leading AAA Romance Rating, relegating the “land of love” to the bottom of the hotness heap when it comes to “lust, thrust, and overall mojo.”

“France’s sexual score has gone from being the firmest mankind has ever seen to shrinking down to a flaccid embarrassment,” an S&P spokeswoman said, citing her agency’s recently released report, which gave France a score of C-.

The S&P analysis pointed the finger at French males, emphasizing that French women are still among the most appealing in the world.

“It is the men who are having trouble holding their own,” the report said. “Or perhaps the trouble is that they’re holding their own too often.”

French President Nicolas Sarkozy blamed his nation’s financial crisis for the decline in its sexual prowess. “Frenchman no longer have access to the training opportunities they need to excel in this area. An encounter with an experienced Parisian prostitute costs upwards of €250, and that’s not including the mouthwash. Who can afford that?

“I myself have been setting an example for the nation even before I took office,” Sarkozy added. “In fact, this is the endeavor in which I have the most skill and expertise.”

But the S&P report stated that Sarkozy’s well known ability to screw the public is not an effective counterpoint to the country’s declining libido. Rather, it recommended that France look to China for a solution.

“The Chinese government has been restricting the collective sex drive of its citizens for years, under the guise of birth control,” the report said. “The pent-up result is straining many a zipper. Perhaps the French should order some Chinese takeout.”

Critics of the analysis, which included every French male over the age of 10, pointed out that Standard & Poor’s has absolutely no expertise in the field of human relationships. “That makes its ratings and recommendations in this area meaningless,” one dissatisfied customer said.

But the S&P spokeswoman disagreed: “We’ve been in bed with the world’s banking and financial leaders from the beginning. They’ve taught us a lot more than just fiscal intercourse.”Paris -- The EU Division of Standard & Poor’s has notched down... more

mbalton
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FrAAnce loses triple A credit rating!

Just like in the US, where we had our very own Treasury Secretary telling us there is "no risk" the US would get downgraded, about 3 months before America did in fact get downgraded, the cognitive dissonance between reality and fantasy is fully exposed today, this time in Europe. And whereas patriotic chauvinism has its good and bad sides, listening to politicians explain away how the impossible has just happened is always very amusing. Especially when translated by Google. Such as in this case, where we have grabbed the following article from Les Echos and dumped it into the modern version of the babel fish.

Perte du AAA de la France : les premières réact

Overview of the main reactions of political leaders in the decision by Standard & Poor's to degrade a notch note of the long-term debt of France, from AAA to AA +.

Jean-François Roubaud, president of the CGPME: "It is clear that this is not a positive sign and it is not what will improve the morale of our business leaders and the French economy." "Obviously, we will be even more pending regarding investment, hiring, etc.. ". "What I fear, too, is a somewhat greater restriction of credit in the coming months," he said, hoping that "interest rates already take into account for much of this degradation 'expected for several weeks. Patterns needed "tangible signs of improvement" and were already receiving an improvement in their order books in three months, but "the loss of triple A is not going in the right direction."

Jean-Marie Le Guen , PS deputy of Paris: "This is first terrible news for France, our country will pay very heavily the consequences of this decision." "It's a triple setback for Nicolas Sarkozy: failure of his economic policy for 5 years aa led France in this situation," "failure of crisis management" and "social failure". "We are not equal before the crisis," "France is particularly targeted because it has increased its debt by a reckless fiscal laxity that we have repeatedly denounced" (on BFM-TV)....

Continued at:

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/here-are-first-official-responses-french-politicians-sp-downgradeJust like in the US, where we had our very own Treasury Secretary telling us there is... more