tagged w/ Political Humor
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I have a handful of conservative friends. Not so many that I could be considered a sympathizer. Just a few.
Being friends with them isn't always easy, but maintaining the relationships make me feel better about myself. After all - if I can look past something as ominous as conflicting political views - I must be a truly enlightened individual, right?
So we eat lunch together. We go out for drinks. One of them gave me a handjob. It's fine.
Yesterday, while sitting with a group of the right-wingers, I hear: "It's a fact. The people of Massachusetts have spoken."
Of course that person was referring to the GOP special election win by Scott Brown, the new pickup-driving Senator and former pin-up model, who had enough decency to cover up his junk but not his tangled mess of pubic hair in an '82 edition of Cosmo:
So - right then and there - I decided to drop a bombshell on their elephant-loving asses.
"Facts are for suckers," I said. "I don't believe in them."
The group let out a boisterous laugh. The handjobber blushed. Surely she hoped it was just another one of my super-engaging conversation starters.
"What is that supposed to mean?" someone asked. "It doesn't even make sense."
"Doesn't it?" I challenged back. "You show me a fact and I'll show you someone trying to prove a point. Facts are for suckers. I believe in the truth. It's universal."
Their collective jaw dropped. The Sereno legend lives on.
And it's no joke. Facts are bullshit. They're used to motivate people and support points of view. The next time you hear someone say "in fact ...," listen to what follows. It'll no doubt be a direct attack on what you know to be true.
On Dragnet, when Joe Friday asked for "just the facts, ma'am," did he get the truth? No. He received a borderline-useless eyewitness account of what happened. The whole show was spent searching through the misleading facts that plagued his investigation.
When the FDA releases facts on cigarette smoking is it to fuel its own agenda? Yep. That agenda may be loosening the stranglehold tobacco has on the United States, but it's still an agenda. And it'd be nowhere without those eye-opening and strategically-placed facts.
... So is it a fact? Have the people of Massachusetts spoken? Depends who you ask. As for me, I'll be sipping a margarita and floating in a pool of the truth. You should join me.
There isn't a gratuitous pubic hair in sight.I have a handful of conservative friends. Not so many that I could be considered a... more
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chandu
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added this
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5 days ago
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Is this the way we're really going down ? lol
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Her Sarah Palin act has provided the US election with a hilarious backdrop. Could she prove a more effective critic than Barack Obama?Her Sarah Palin act has provided the US election with a hilarious backdrop. Could she... more
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bmltv
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added this
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1 year ago
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The OSU cartoon and comic archive, the world’s largest such collection, will be renamed the Billy Ireland Cartoon Library, in recognition for a $7 million donation from one of Ireland’s relatives. The donation will go to the renovation of an historic building on the OSU campus, Sullivant Hall, which will house the cartoon collection once renovations are complete.The OSU cartoon and comic archive, the world’s largest such collection, will be... more
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How would Sarah Palin be if she was a black, basketball mom from Brooklyn?
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Palin doubles her foreign experience while talking with French President Nicolas Sarkozy today. Maybe I have been wrong about Sarah Palin. She may not have been ready to be president on day one before but now I think she is. How could I have been so wrong! She is all they say she is and more.
Actually, this prank call was made by a couple of Canadian comedians known as "The Masked Avengers." I am surprised they were able to get past her security staff but I am more amazed at how far they were able to play her. It was not only refreshing but enlightening to finally get to hear her speak openly and unscripted. Now I feel like I know her even better than before. I want a beer!Palin doubles her foreign experience while talking with French President Nicolas... more
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"We can't be lulled into complacency, you have to remember that Adolf Hitler was elected in a democratic Germany. We all know that Osama Biden Laden and all those liberals will be shipping god-fearing gun owners into contemplation camps and keeping them there until they agree to vote Democrat or get gay-married.""We can't be lulled into complacency, you have to remember that Adolf Hitler... more
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THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES! NOT ONLY THAT, it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!!.......and so timely! :)
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a
truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises ..
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is
waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven."
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The senator reflects for a minute, then answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I
mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above...
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil looks at him, smiles and says.......
"Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."
If you had heard it already, sorry, hope it gave you a chuckle anyway!THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES! NOT ONLY THAT, it is... more
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Who needs ballot boxes and wonky e-voting machines? Vote with your gum.
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What more could you possibly want for the country? This has been absolutely fabulous these past eight years!What more could you possibly want for the country? This has been absolutely fabulous... more
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Sarah Palin gives her first and final press conference.
IT'S FINALLY OVER. FAREWELL PALIN.Sarah Palin gives her first and final press conference.
IT'S FINALLY OVER.... more
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Built in 2509 Mr. Ecenbarger gives the report on the replica of the U.S. Capitol building.
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An important message from celebrities.
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Would all these right wingers and bigots be praising Sarah Palin if she was black? Watch the skit and find out.Would all these right wingers and bigots be praising Sarah Palin if she was black?... more
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"All our offices need cleaning for the new congress, and someone has to go over the White House removing all the pretzel crumbs.""All our offices need cleaning for the new congress, and someone has to go over... more
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Le testimonianze di Salvatore Borsellino, le accuse di Ciancimino jr, i vuoti di Mancino, un cambio repentino di Ministri, le carte dei processi. Dietro una data si nasconde uno dei più grandi misteri italiani degli ultimi decenni
“Escludo in maniera netta e categorica che lo Stato abbia trattato con esponenti della mafia: nessuno dei vertici delle Forze di Polizia me ne parlò nè chiese il mio parere, che sarebbe stato decisamente negativo, sull’apertura di una trattativa con la malavita organizzata, che negli anni Novanta era pericolosa, violenta e stragista”.Le testimonianze di Salvatore Borsellino, le accuse di Ciancimino jr, i vuoti di... more
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WHITE RABBIT EXCLUSIVE:
Evil Puppet President Barack Obama speaks and uses profanity! The political geniuses from the White Rabbit Cult spent countless hours modeling our very own Barack Obama Puppet!
This is our President Obama speaking in his own voice! This was not altered!WHITE RABBIT EXCLUSIVE:
Evil Puppet President Barack Obama speaks and uses profanity!... more
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With the shredders and incinerators at the White House working to full capacity to destroy incriminating records of the last 8 years, the outgoing Bush-Cheney administration seem to have come up with a novel way to address the shortfall and ensure that their wrongdoing is concealed after January 20th.With the shredders and incinerators at the White House working to full capacity to... more
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