Self-help // Current

Pay What You Owe & Be Free

It was raining really hard last week and I had to run into a restaurant to pick up dinner. It happened to Saturday, and I was tempted to just double park. Instead I found a spot, and ran into the restaurant. What I failed to remember is to put money into the meeter. Well it turned out to take longer than I imagined inside, and by the time I came back out into the rain, you guessed it, I had a ticket.

I thought to myself, jeez, I was only in there a minute and when did they start charging at the parking meters on a Saturday anyway. Then the thoughts turned to, 'well it should only be $25.00 anyway'. All the excuses came flooding into mind how I shouldn't have to pay. When I looked at the ticket I realized the fine was a little over $50.00 which made me a little mad, and then I gave in, and thought 'that's what you get for thinking you can double park, or just park anywhere when it's raining and not have to deal with the consequences. It's a lazy attitude I can easily get into instead of always doing the right thing, even when it's challenging (or raining in this case). It also made me appreciate the fact that I can pay my bills; I am responsible; I can do the right thing; I am practicing towards perfect (though I may never reach it); and I don't have to look over my shoulder because I'm angry at 'the man' - I realize my challenges and accept them for what they are.

This switch or choice in attitudes makes a huge difference for me. Think about the two options; If I got upset about getting the ticket and refused to pay it, it would get bigger, and my stress about it would also grow. It might fester in my mind; I could eventually get pulled over for speeding and end up in jail... all this would be the result of not accepting responsibility for the initial ticket and pay the $53 fine. Which is worse? I think it's much worse to hold onto an issue and let it fester and grow than dealing with it, accepting it, vow to be more cognizant of it in the future and yes, move on!! It's such an amazing gift to be able to have this insight. Such an amazing time to be present and aware of my actions, and the direct consequences. In my younger years, I have parked in a handicapped spot, and did not get a ticket. My moral compass told me it was wrong, sure. Would I do it today? No way. But if I did, I would fully expect to pay the fine.

One thing about accepting responsibility (and in this case paying the $53. fine) is, it frees me up to live my best life. I am not worried about going 5 mph over the speed limit - because if I get pulled over, I know exactly what's in store - and don't have to walk around with a mental chip on my shoulder because I know I have 'something on my record' (even if it's just a parking ticket). That's freedom, and I wouldn't have it any other way!It was raining really hard last week and I had to run into a restaurant to pick up... more

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MODERN DAY DAVID AND GOLIATH

I was shopping in the Freehold Raceway Mall when I saw an advertisement which is bigger than life on the Armani Exchange window. The only problem was this advertisement is pornography. It depicts a young man and young women but the woman is sliding her hand down his pants. It has been up here for months yet no one has complained about it. Thousands of people have walked passed yet no one has complained or saw this as obscene. If my grandmother saw this display she would have fainted right on the spot, but today thousands have passed without even flinching.
It appears that big companies think they can put any image they want on the walls of a community like this without even being challenged. I am not an enemy of Armani Exchange. Armani Exchange has made themselves an enemy by promoting an atmosphere of obscenities. This is not a message or an image that I want to give to the younger generation who frequents this mall by the thousands every week. This image is a green light to every adolescent, middle school, and high school girl to conduct themselves in a reprehensible manner.
After I complained to the Mall management about this vulgar advertisement I was told there was nothing that could be done about it. I was told that this was a million dollar advertisement campaign. I was also told that I was the only one who complained about it. So I started a You Tube video entitled “Pornography Or Advertisement You Decide By John H. Eagan” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHvEg-Lwy4U) and stood in front of the Armani Exchange window and stated my case about this advertisement.

The Asbury Park Press got excited about this quest of mine and decided to print an article about the matter which should be published this week. Since I started a legal process against them the management of Armani Exchange decided to take down the advertisement in question. I believe this human interest story would make an attention-grabbing segment on your show. Many people today think they are in a hopeless situation and nothing can be done when big business decides to bully their way around. One person can make a difference.
I am here to point my finger in Armani’s face or anyone else who thinks they can feature obscenities in their advertisement and say “No you’re not going to do this in my community”, Don’t think you’re going to peddle your smut around here…. . I single-handedly got that offensive advertisement down. Hopefully this will be a clear message to people to see that something can be done if you put your mind to it.I was shopping in the Freehold Raceway Mall when I saw an advertisement which is... more

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Self-help books cause low self-esteem?

ScienceDaily (July 3, 2009) — In times of doubt and uncertainty, many Americans turn to self-help books in search of encouragement, guidance and self-affirmation. The positive self-statements suggested in these books, such as "I am a lovable person" or "I will succeed," are designed to lift a person's low self-esteem and push them into positive action.

According to a recent study in Psychological Science, however, these statements can actually have the opposite effect.

Psychologists Joanne V. Wood and John W. Lee from the University of Waterloo, and W.Q. Elaine Perunovic from the University of New Brunswick, found that individuals with low self-esteem actually felt worse about themselves after repeating positive self-statements.

The researchers asked participants with low self-esteem and high self-esteem to repeat the self-help book phrase "I am a lovable person." The psychologists then measured the participants' moods and their momentary feelings about themselves. As it turned out, the individuals with low self-esteem felt worse after repeating the positive self-statement compared to another low self-esteem group who did not repeat the self-statement. The individuals with high self-esteem felt better after repeating the positive self-statement--but only slightly.

In a follow-up study, the psychologists allowed the participants to list negative self-thoughts along with positive self-thoughts. They found that, paradoxically, low self-esteem participants' moods fared better when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts.

The psychologists suggested that, like overly positive praise, unreasonably positive self-statements, such as "I accept myself completely," can provoke contradictory thoughts in individuals with low self-esteem. Such negative thoughts can overwhelm the positive thoughts. And, if people are instructed to focus exclusively on positive thoughts, they may find negative thoughts to be especially discouraging.

As the authors concluded, "Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people [such as individuals with high self-esteem] but backfire for the very people who need them the most."ScienceDaily (July 3, 2009) — In times of doubt and uncertainty, many Americans... more

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TAGS

tagged w/ Self-help

Pay What You Owe & Be Free

Pre Valentines Day Celebration for Women and Girls!

A quick Run-Down of Top Men's Dating Guides

Howcast: How to Break Up with Someone on Valentine's Day.

Success, Failure and what has Luck to do with it

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Yes, I Suck: Self-Help Through Negative Thinking

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