Tom Cruise // Current TV

I could have sworn that a couple of years ago I heard commercial after commercial that Oprah's final season was happening, but even today when I click the little black rectangle, there she is, still. She hasn't gone anywhere! That damn show is still on and her "final farewell for realsies show" is three freakin' days long this week, labeled: The Oprah Winfrey Farewell Spectacular.

It seems so strange that she would name it after herself being the shy and humble person she tells us she is. I mean she didn't name her magazine after herself ... it's just "O The Oprah Magazine". See? There's no "Winfrey" in there so it's not about her, not at all, except maybe that she is on every cover of the magazine, but that's normal right? Nor is her "Harpo Productions". Sure, they share the same five letters but it's not her, unless you have a "The Shining" moment and notice that REDRUM is actually MURDER spelled backwards. And lets not forget her latest television network OWN. That's just a regular word ... own. It has nothing to do with her initials and network at the end of it. So why in the world would she start branding herself now?

But what does that have to do with her leaving the show after 25 years? Nothing! I just can't stand people who are so self-righteous and braggart-like and claim the opposite. Now I don't mind somebody telling their story of struggle and suffering, but when it comes from someone who has to produce it and shove it in everybody's faces at every opportunity on all the major networks on all the biggest shows, holy F woman WE GET IT OK??? Now granted she does a lot for charities and gives away all kinds of prizes and what not, but let's be honest, those "prizes" aren't coming out of her pocket-book, those are corporations whoring their goods out on the most popular show on the planet and other planets that haven't been found yet. Don't get me wrong, if I had a coffee mug or a t-shirt with our logo on it, I'd have her pimp the living shit out of it on that show and put one under each and every chair. Sure, all the monetary contributions help out well deserved charities, but the more you give, the more you can write off your taxes, and the more your face and name can be plastered all over said charities walls. And let's face it, she's not going anywhere. We're gonna see her all over the TV Scape talking about herself to no end. You're not fooling us Miss Winfrey you silly gal.

So yes, FAREWELL Oprah, fare thee freakin' well. I'm sure you might scrape by with your billions of dollars and your famous friends and your 50 acre estate and your book-club and your television network. We are so happy to be celebrating with you from our 900 sq.ft 1 bedroom apartments, celebrating with you while we scramble to fill our gas tanks, celebrate with you while the economy is taking a dump on all of us, losing our houses, going bankrupt, struggling on unemployment, and barely surviving the Goddamned Rapture last Saturday. Thank you so much for letting all of us get to share in your moment of tear filled happiness/sadness with Tom Cruise and Madonna, we're so lucky. I am now convinced that since the Goodbye-Forever-This-Time-For-Reals-Spectacular was scheduled for this week, the Second Coming of Christ had to be postponed and everybody should get off Harold Camping's case and blame HARPO.I could have sworn that a couple of years ago I heard commercial after commercial that... more

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