tagged w/ Jesus
“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain”
The fact is that this passage is generally interpreted as referring to verbal usage of God’s name by cursing.“Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not... more
The evolutionary message – “what’s really happening” has always come from outcasts, said Dr. Timothy Leary. “The only thing I know is that I know nothing”, is a paradox attributed to Socrates, father of western philosophy. As I read on Sue brushed by headed out to the barbecue with pitchfork in hand, pursuing the perfect piece of grilled chicken and wings for the boy. She’s the cave woman in the family – outdoor cooking, charring, etc. I’m totally short order and more of a George Carlin vegetarian – I only eat animals that died in their sleep.
http://infinitetolerance.com/music-2/waiting-believers-paradox/The evolutionary message – “what’s really happening” has... more
When you're talking about the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) a good defense is apparently a good offense - and no one is more offensive than Pat Robertson.
Robertson, God's official gaffemeister, says it's okay to punch out of a presumably 'traditional' marriage if one spouse has Alzheimer's.When you're talking about the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) a good defense is... more
"Look, Jesus, look.
It's Jesus's friend Rick.
'Run, Rick, run,' says Jesus.
'Run for President!'
'Thank you, Jesus,' says Rick.
Look, Jesus, look.
It's Jesus's friend Sarah.
'Run, Sarah, run,' says Jesus..."Excerpt: "Look, Jesus, look. It's Jesus's friend Rick. 'Run,... more
Images are powerful and can control your subconscious. Think about the images of Jesus on the Cross, or Holocaust victims or starving children in Africa, or even the Twin Towers falling or the of a mosque at Ground Zero. That is how powerful images are to the subconscious mind. They transmit emotions and enable you to take action if warranted.Images are powerful and can control your subconscious. Think about the images of Jesus... more
So it shouldn't be a total loss...
http://www.mybrainflakes.com/2011/09/07/a-fun-drinking-game-for-tonights-gop-debate/So it shouldn't be a total loss...... more
PREECH AUWN BRUTHER, PREECH AUWN! Baby Preacher Kanon Tipton translated...
Jesus that's a lot of money! Religious band sues Rachel Maddow for $50 million over their hatred for gay peopleThe official website for Christian rap-metal band Junkyard Prophet says that lead singer and drummer Bradlee Dean is hard, funky, loud and fast. Next time the webmaster logs on, he might want to add lawsuit-happy, pissed off and weary of gays.
In addition to performing with Junkyard Prophet, Dean also runs the religious ministry You Can Run But You Cannot Hide International. His latest undertaking, however, involves drumming up a lawsuit against MSNBC anchor Rachel Maddow. Dean is seeking upwards of $50 million in damages, claiming that remarks made last year by Maddow were fictitious and defaming.
On an August 2010 broadcast, Maddow played a clip of Dean speaking on an AM radio program. Before he called homosexuality an “abomination” in the soundbyte, the metal head said that Muslim nations that execute gays were more moral than American Christians.
“Muslims are calling for the executions of homosexuals in America,” said Dean. “This just shows you they themselves are upholding the laws that are even in the Bible of the Judeo-Christian God, but they seem to be more moral than even the American Christians do, because these people are livid about enforcing their laws."
Then, relayed Maddow, Dean mentioned that the average gay person molests over 100 people “before they’re found out.”
Read More & watch the band preform at Political Fail Blog:
http://www.politicalfailblog.com/2011/07/jesus-thats-lot-of-money-religious-band.htmlThe official website for Christian rap-metal band Junkyard Prophet says that lead... more
This is the true account of Steve Chenn, a nationally recognized photographer with a secret life he could not conquer. So it seemed.
http://www.lambcreek.com/index.php/lambcreekcurrent/comments/steve_chenn/This is the true account of Steve Chenn, a nationally recognized photographer with a... more
Fact: Maxfield Parrish, Frederic Remington, Norman Rockwell and Andrew Wyeth are still painting today. How? By inspiring new artists. Randy Rogers is one.
http://www.lambcreek.com/index.php/lambcreekcurrent/comments/randy_rogers-christian_illustrator/Fact: Maxfield Parrish, Frederic Remington, Norman Rockwell and Andrew Wyeth are still... more
A drunken man was arrested after wandering into a church where a sheriff had been worshipping, Authorities in Tennessee say.
Sheriff David Andrews said 42-year-old Gregory Blaine Wade of Cookeville showed up Wednesday at the Jefferson Avenue Church of Christ just as a service was ending.
According to the Cookeville Herald-Citizen, an arrest report said Wade became argumentative, was unsteady and had a 40-ounce bottle of beer in his backpack. He was charged with public intoxication.
More here and videos:
http://www.politicalfailblog.com/2011/07/after-talking-to-jesus-sheriff-arrests.html?utm_source=BP_recentA drunken man was arrested after wandering into a church where a sheriff had been... more
Despite a large facebook campaign against the statue, President Alan Garcia, who had put some of his own money into the project, unveiled the statue "The Christ of the Pacific" in Lima.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/southamerica/peru/8607437/Giant-statue-of-Jesus-Christ-opened-in-Peru.htmlDespite a large facebook campaign against the statue, President Alan Garcia, who had... more
It's no secret that the rich despise the poor. This hatred stems from a couple very different, very dark places in the place that at one time may or may not have housed a soul. Either 1) the rich person was once poor, and the very sight of the un-monied sends shivers down their spine, reminding them of the life they fought out of, frightened every day that someone will take it all away from them and send them back to the horrors of non-richness. of B) they have never known a minute of want in their entire privileged life and are so out of touch, with no reference for the plight of the soiled dirty people, they don't understand how everyone doesn't own a drawer full of platinum dipped, emerald encrusted cock rings, except that their abject lazy and unwillingness to make something of themselves makes them despise them and their worn more than once clothing.
There's really no other way to explain the mind rapingly unnecessary extravagances that the rich continue to treat themselves to when surrounded by a world that at best is barely scraping by and is at worst, scraping off a bite of those who failed to scrape by.
The latest luxury item being offered to the bored rich collector of things that they should be ashamed of is this beaut...
Feast your eyes on the majesty of the only razor greater than yourself.
Now, you may be asking, "Why has a razor for the wasteful wealthy pissed you off so very much Mr. Blog? It's just a razor, what harm could it possibly do to you and your constantly yelly face?" And it's a fair question. Just looking at this face deforestation utensil, it looks no more special than your average Gillette. Frankly, it actually looks kind of ugly. A razor is generally a fairly harmless bathroom expenditure and this one looks like you could probably buy a bag of three of them for five bucks at CVS. But if that were the case, I wouldn't have been shouting at the sky for the last three hours, now would I? Well, okay, I probably would have, but at least this gave me a somewhat defensible reason.
You see, if you'd like to scrape the whiskers from your face in the most luxurious, exclusive way known to the abhorrent excess of man, you can get yourself your very own Zafirro Iridium for the bargain basement price of JUST... $100,000.
No, I didn't just have a stroke and lean on the zero key for a comically long period of time: that's the real fucking price. For only $100,000 you can stride confidently across the face of your own bought and paid for planet with chops as smooth as a starving child's malnourished ass cheeks.
And you know what, you get your very last penny's worth, because the Zafirro Iridium isn't made with space age technology, that's for poor assholes. No, the Zafirro Iridium is made from fucking SPACE! See, if Zafirro's razor sounds sort of familiar in a weird, sci-fi kind of way, that's because it gets its name from the material it's made from "Iridium". What is iridium you may be wondering? Well you see, most of the iridium found on our planet is "the result of crashed meteorites"... That's right, this razor is made of space rocks. Actually, scratch that. The HANDLE is made of space rocks. The fucking handle is made of iridium, an "extremely scarce and expensive metal that is so dense, it could survive a drop into molten lava". Not the business end of this $100,000 indestructible face smoother but just the HANDLE, the LEAST IMPORTANT PART of this thing is made of a Superman metal from a doomed planet far, far away that has crash landed on Earth.
So then, if the thing that holds the blade is made of metal that can leap tall buildings in a single bound, what the hell fuck could the actual blade be made of? Sharpened unicorn bones? Laser carved shards of a brown dwarf star? Jesus' finger nail clippings? No, that's ridiculous, nothing quite so extravagant and fantastical, the blades of this $100,000 dollar shaver are simply made from artificially grown sapphire... That's all... I don't even know what that means or if the reality of what the blades actually are is even less insane than the other options I threw on the table.
Zafirro, which apparently only exists to sell these razors, is only offering 99 of these grotesque impulse buys to the money soaked "public", adding one more irresistible feature to lure in the bahudratrillionaires: exclusivity. The only thing the super rich love more than buying more comically expensive things that shouldn't cost nearly so much, is knowing that they will be one of only a handful of people on the planet to own it.
To say this is unnecessary is a gross understatement, but that doesn't mean that people don't have the right to spend their money how ever they see fit. What makes me so angry is when I see something like this and then, foolishly, put it in perspective. The poverty line in the contiguous United States for the year of our lord 2000 and 11 for a family of 4 (with all family members 18 years of age or over) is $22,350. So, give those four families a couple extra bucks in walkin' around money to waste on frivolous nonsense that the poor are known to throw their money away on, such as food and electricity, and 16 people could live the lavish life of the just barely not impoverished for an entire year for the price of a single, solitary, volcano proof grooming tool...
It's better not to think about these things, I wish I didn't. But I do, and that's why I'm angry all the time. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get a ten pack of Bics at the dollar store and try to resist the urge to cut my hands off with them... BYE NOW!
For all of your rickety, windowless, primered comedy needs, visit:
vanfullofcandy.comIt's no secret that the rich despise the poor. This hatred stems from a couple... more
Good news everybody! It’s still legal to suck disease straight down your throat, and it just got a whole lot sexier!
Word came down today that the smooth, rich flavor that just makes life worth living is now going to come in new, “edgier” goth doom packaging. Adorned in “labels that depict in graphic detail the negative health effects of tobacco use… the corpse of a smoker, diseased lungs, and a mother holding her baby with smoke swirling around them” and hip new catch phrases like “Smoking can kill you” and “Cigarettes cause cancer”… Hooray?
This will of course do very little to curb smoking, likely as much as, say, distributing servings of heroin (that’s how they’re doled out, right? Serving sizes with nutritional information on the side? I haven’t caught up on my DVRed episodes of “The Oxycontin Express”, please, no spoilers) in mylar party balloons with the words “Don’t” scribbled on the side in the blood of your own children. See, we as Americans often do stupid shit, that’s kind of our thing. Not that smoking is strictly an American past time, ’cause it ain’t, but we know how to put our own particular child lock brand of insulting stupidity on it. It’s the American way.
There’s nothing in this latest move by the FDA about banning the sale of cigarettes or tobacco products. Nothing to remove from the shelves a product that is responsible for approximately 443,000 deaths a year. Their solution is simply to make the packs hard to look at and hope to scare smokers straight. By making half the pack look like a snuff film, telling them that “Eating poison will surely assassinate you” and giving them the 1-800 number to a stop smoking hot line, the FDA has done its job and made the world safe again. Smokers today are allowed to smoke legally only in a two foot square cabinet under their bathroom sink which upon moving must be shipped to a special cigarette nook disposal facility in North Dakota where it is then buried three miles deep under a thick protective layer of E.T. Atari 2600 game cartridges until Jesus can safely exorcise all of the inky black cancer vapors or the sun expands to the point of devouring the solar system and all life as we know it… Which ever comes first. Making the packs scary ain’t gonna stop smokers from smoking their smoke making smokes.
Debating whether or not cigarettes should be made illegal is pointless. They never will be. They’ll be $60 a pack and sold wrapped in photographs of the grandchildren that cancer will prevent you from ever meeting before they’re made illegal. Should they be? Well, the way I see it, the key to whether something should be illegal or not should be whether or not that something’s sale would be approved if it were presented as a brand new product today.
I personally have a product that has been proven to, if used properly, fucking murder you. When can I start selling this thing to children while telling anyone trying to arrest me that I am in no way trying to sell them to children? My new product is called “Chainsaw to the Face”. And just as the name suggests, it is the rich, refreshing taste of chainsaw, delivered conveniently and comfortably, directly to the god damned face. Chainsaws are legal, faces are most certainly still legal, despite all of big anti-face’s efforts to make them otherwise. Why couldn’t I sell boxes of “Chainsaw to the Face” in every gas station and drug store across God’s own free land. Go ahead FDA, slather it in warning labels if it’ll make you feel like you’re doing your job. Dip our boxes in pictures of the results of the use of our product: old people with their faces chainsawed off. “Chainsaw to the Face” is just too addictive, that’s why we secretly try to hook our customers when they’re young, to get the most possible “Chainsaw to the Face” years out of them before, inevitably, they are killed by the proper, clinical, only possible use of “Chainsaw to the Face”: a chainsaw to the face…
The only thing the FDA can think to do, or will be allowed to do, to a product that kills 1 in every 693 people in this country is to make half of the pack look like what will happen if you use what’s inside as directed. Nobody at this point in human history doesn’t know that cigarettes are bad for you. The last person born before packs of cigarette had to legally start telling people that they wanted to murder you for buying them, turned 56 this year. Seeing exactly how cigarettes plan on doing it every time you pick up your pack isn’t going to make many people suddenly realize that their sucking a dozen kinds of poison into their face might not be the best thing for them… They could start packaging cigarettes in people recently murdered by cigarettes and it would have little effect on their purchase power.
By the estimates of this article and of new studies 20% of Americans smoke: about 46 million Smokey-Americans. By implementing this new horrific labeling, the FDA, BY THEIR OWN ESTIMATES, believe they will reduce the number of smokers by 213,000 in 2013 “with smaller additional reductions through 2031″. So their big victory against tobacco is that by making half of the pack look like a cereal killer’s frigidaire, they are going to reduce the number of smokers in the United States by… wait for it… 0.46%! Twice as many people will still die in 2013 from smoking, as their new horror porn warning labels will save over the next 18 years…
The tobacco companies are laughing their tar covered balls off at you FDA.
Cigarettes got in on the ground floor of murdering Americans with their products. tobacco products have been killing Americans as long as there’ve been Americans. And if one of our nation’s original biggest exports had been cocaine of heroin or Chainsaws to the Face, then they would be just as inexorably entrenched in American commerce as the tobacco industry.
So good for you tobacco, you made yourself too important to have to give a shit that you’re murdering your customers and too big to be stopped. Good for you.
For all of your rickety, windowless, primered comedy needs, visit:
vanfullofcandy.comGood news everybody! It’s still legal to suck disease straight down your throat,... more