Dating 101 // Current

Gavin Degraw’s brother is a bad date

You’d think that being in the band of your (semi)famous younger brother, he would... more

knowandtell
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4 months ago
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Discussing Politics on a Date with a Girl

How would you like to talk about politics on a date with a girl? These two try, a... more

johnnyBwilson
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4 months ago
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1 comment

What's Wrong with Philip [video]

This video is a touching vignette about the difficult moment where a woman breaks up... more

GrrlScientist
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5 months ago
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Jason Verlaine - Manhunt

A song about my experience on manhunt. A cautionary tale. www.jasonverlaine.com

jasonverlaine
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1 year ago
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10 reasons to date a unicorn

"#2. Better TV reception."

jennatar
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1 year ago
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5 comments

Jason Verlaine - Self-Love

Children of the internet, follow my self-love regimen and you too can be a star.... more

jasonverlaine
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Jason Verlaine - Shit Cloud

Within minutes, a potential hookup turned into an unmitigated disaster.... more

jasonverlaine
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1 year ago
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Jason Verlaine - Sex on a First Date

'm a master of Sex on a First Date -- When's the last time you had a first date? Did... more

jasonverlaine
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1 year ago
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Salma Single Again!

Her ex is the CEO of the company that owns Gucci, among others. Any takers out there?

rawleyv
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1 year ago
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Obama & McCain Condoms: Protection You Can Count On

Who would you rather have protection your crotch? Obama or McCain?

dedemetal
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1 year ago
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The Nice Diary: Date Night, IFC: Rooftop Films

Live in the NYC area and trying to find "grown up" things to do instead of getting... more

dedemetal
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1 year ago
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Men’s Guide To Avoiding Chick Flicks!

Great Tips on getting out of having to see those horribly cheesy chick flicks with... more

maguin4
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1 year ago
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2 comments

Housework equals sex ?!?*

Hilarious. Apparently, when men participate in domestic tasks like sweeping the... more

maguin4
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1 year ago
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4 comments

Sex and Shopping Consume Our Minds

Men think about sex every seven seconds. Women on the other hand think about about... more

maguin4
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1 year ago
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2 comments

sex and relationships

always an interesting topic, I would like to stay and keep posted.

carre7
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1 year ago
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1 comment

Her Monthly Friend: PMS

"The most telling sign of oncoming PMS are when the skin colored nipple high Grandma... more

maguin4
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1 year ago
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2 comments

How To Be An Alpha Male

What does it take to be an alpha male? Find out from Ronnie, professional soccer... more

Tobes
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1 year ago
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45 comments

Self-help books can get a pretty bad rap. Even Harriet Lerner, psychologist and author of the classic female life manual The Dance of Anger, bristles at "feverishly inspirational books that make large and silly promises." Which may be why she writes them so well.

The Dance of Anger analyzes the impact and importance of anger in intimate relationships, identifying common patterns while productively redirecting anger's path. Lerner states: "Anger is something we feel. It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention." Where we often go awry is in its expression. And wow do we.

Many women (Lerner's book is specifically directed toward women, though is insightful for any reader) tend toward two distinct patterns: a) suppressing anger in the interest of propriety until it bubbles forth at a truly inappropriate time, ultimately diminishing our credibility despite our anger's rational origin, or b) expressing ourselves immediately, but in heated terms that can yield wildly unproductive labels like "crazy" and "bitch."

Good times, right? And that's just the angry iceberg tip. Lerner also delves into the balance of "I" versus "We" in relationships, and the dance between over-functioning and under-functioning partners. Generally, the more emotional responsibility one person carries, the less is required of their partner, and so goes the imbalance cycle.

So, excellent! Patterns exposed, true source of anger explored; Lerner's work is done, right? Well, if this were the brand of self-help book she derides, perhaps. But changing the pattern of our intimate relationships is more difficult and complicated than can generally be summarized, let alone accomplished, in ten easy steps.

What begins as an exploration of common patterns quickly expands to anticipate the effects of our changes on others. Resistance to change is a basic human truth, and when one person chooses to step boldly into personal growth, adjustment, and exploration, it generally follows that the surrounding people scream "Change Back!" as quickly and loudly as possible. By forcing change too soon, and creating a jarring, deeply uncomfortable dynamic, you may be first in line, begging yourself to return to pre-established patterns. Fortunately, Lerner is a step ahead of you, preaching patience and self-love as she guides us through our anger's evolution, identifying the possible responses among loved ones, and arming us with an informed perseverance.

So, is her process easy? Well, no. But sincere pattern-changing requires an exploration of perhaps decades-long emotional habits. Lerner isn't offering the psychological equivalent of a rapid weight loss diet so you can fit into that great new dress next week. She's teaching skills and awareness for lasting change. I'll dance to that.

http://www.dailymantra.com

Self-help books can get a pretty bad rap. Even Harriet Lerner, psychologist and author... more