Catholic // Current TV

Strip Club to Open Beside Catholic Convent

In a bizarre test of the commandment, "Love thy neighbor," an Illinois... more

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2 days ago
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Cecile Richards: A Victory for Women

Women won in Washington this week. The Obama administration's decision to protect... more

LOrion
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20 days ago
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The Taming of a Public Housing Child - Conclusion

The school uniform I so disliked had two advantages. At St. Dominic, I looked like... more

publichousingstories
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1 month ago
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Papal Sin And Lord Acton

Presentation of the actions of Lord Acton in Garry Wills' 'Papal Sin'

mollymew
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Papal Sins

Book about the problems with the modern Catholic Church.

mollymew
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1 month ago
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The Taming of a Public Housing Child Part 5

In this true story, kids at Liddonfield Housing Project become holy terrors when they... more

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1 month ago
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The Taming of a Public Housing Child Part 4

In their quest to mold little minds, the teachers there placed a strong emphasis on... more

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The Taming of a Public Housing Child Part 3

I pushed him. He fell to the ground, still holding the hat in one hand and wearing a... more

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2 months ago
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The Taming of a Public Housing Child Part 2

At the time I attended St. Dominic Elementary School the inside was painted Pepto... more

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Pope Orders 'Missal Launch' on Salt Lake City, Igniting a Holy War

The Vatican - The introduction of a new Missal, the prayer book that serves as the... more

mbalton
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2 months ago
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The Taming of a Public Housing Child

I was a rough and tumble girl in a school that revered gentility, order, sameness and... more

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3 months ago
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It's Official: Wall Street Has Become a Religion

New York - The international financial industry now controls Heaven as well as Hell. After years of behind-the-scenes maneuvering and back room deals, Wall Street officially became a major religion of the world this morning.

With a hierarchy mirroring that of the Catholic Church, Worship Wall Street now fully rules over the financial district, which has been deemed as its sovereign territory.

In a secret ceremony in which bond receipts were burned in a “bondfire of the vanities,” Lloyd Blankfein, CEO and chairman of Goldman Sachs, was elected Pope.

“This will teach those OWS punks to mess with us,” His Holiness said. “Occupy Wall Street is just a movement. Worship Wall Street is a religion with direct connections to the Almighty as well as to the almighty dollar.”

Cardinal Mayor Michael Bloomberg warned that if anyone as much as raises his voice in the financial district, he will be charged with religious persecution and jailed until the Second Coming, “whatever that is.”

“It won’t be easy doing the Lord’s work while running the City of New York into the ground,” Bloomberg whined. “But they gave us these swell red dresses and crazy red hats to wear, so I couldn’t resist.”

The entire staff of the Wall Street Journal has been hired to write the Worship Wall Street Bible. The holy book is expected to contain the first understandable explanation of the 2008 Too Big to Fail Bailout.

“That, brothers and sisters, was a true Act of God,” Pope Lloyd said. “Imagine Republicans and Democrats joining together and passing history making legislation in less than a week’s time. We are going to call it The Miracle of the Campaign Contribution.”

Pope Blackfein the First went on to describe some of the other advantages of turning the financial industry into religion.

“Now no one will be going to jail for destroying the American economy through fraudulent activity and illegal actions,” he said. “They don’t investigate a church for such things. It’s not as if we diddled our altar girls, who by the way are the former Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.”

But Blankfein saved the best for last: “As a religion, we are completely exempt from taxes -- Federal, state, city, and sales. Say hallelujah, America.”New York - The international financial industry now controls Heaven as well as Hell.... more

mbalton
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3 months ago
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Sinead O'Connor: Saint or Sinner?

The massive cover-up of child abuse within the Catholic church has finally hit the... more

zampano
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4 months ago
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Mitt Romney Doesn’t Have a Friend in the Angel Moroni

Not long ago most Americans thought Mormons were an odd band of people who all lived... more

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4 months ago
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Pope Benedict making first official visit to Germany

Benedict XVI, the German head of the Roman Catholic Church, has begun his first... more

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5 months ago
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Sex abuse victims urge ICC Pope investigation

A group representing victims of sexual abuse by Catholic priests is asking the... more

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5 months ago
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New jobs? No problem. Just make them up.

New York -- If America is going to solve its unemployment crisis, the nation needs to invent new professions. So says the head of one of the world’s top career placement firms.

Samuel P. Vickers, CEO of Placement Professionals, Inc., told a crowded press conference today that unemployment is high because most of the existing jobs are already filled. “And all those factory jobs that we shipped overseas are gone forever.”

“The only solution is to dream up completely new professions,” he said. “That opens brand-new avenues of opportunity for people looking for work.”

Vickers’ new book, “Invent Your Job. Invent Yourself,” contains literally dozens of examples and possibilities. Each new job is developed by identifying a problem, then building a solution in the form of a career.

“For instance, the Catholic Church is suffering from a severe shortage of priests,” Vickers said. “What if we created a service that outsourced nondenominational clergy? You don’t have to be a believer to be a good priest or minister. You just have to know how to follow a prayer book and reference the Bible. Miracles are optional.”

The professional reward is a new black Buick every three years and an everlasting career, as long as you can keep your hands off the altar boys, according to Vickers.

“Plus you have people bowing to you, genuflecting and asking you for advice. Make them do three Our Fathers and four Hail Marys, and they will be indebted to you for life. That’s what I call a cushy job.”

The legalization of medical marijuana by a growing number of states could also be the source of a new profession. “I call it the marijuana majordomo,” Vickers said.

“The job involves doing all the paperwork and handling all the hassles of getting a person certified for medical marijuana.” And once that’s done, the marijuana majordomo acts as a purveyor of the medicinal material, suggesting blends, refining smoking techniques and providing advice on pot paraphernalia.”

Major changes in the US space program have opened up an alternative way of getting high and getting paid — cosmic travel agent.

“The end of the shuttle program means American astronauts need to book rides on Soviet capsules to get to the space station,” Vickers observed. “At $50 million a seat, someone is going to make a really nice commission on these flights, and it might as well be you.”

http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i99794New York -- If America is going to solve its unemployment crisis, the nation needs to... more

mbalton
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5 months ago
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Bloomberg's 9/11 Gag Rule Insults Catholics

Last year, Mayor Bloomberg sought to justify his support for building a mosque near... more

Cedarnews
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5 months ago
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Fourth Reich in Disguise - how Germany is using the financial crisis to conquer Europe

Crisis meeting between Angela Merkel and Nicolas Sarkozy was arranged before the... more

worrg
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6 months ago
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MIDEO CRUZ ARTWORK “POLETEISMO” AT CCP

MIDEO CRUZ ARTWORK 'POLETEISMO' AT CCP...Mideo Cruz, a Filipino contemporary... more

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6 months ago
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