Devil // Current TV

Deal With The Devil

As the protests throughout the Arab world increase and Dictators try to hold on to... more

Jim_Brenneman
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3 days ago
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Steve Jobs Still Running Apple -- From Hell

Cupertino, California -- Almost three months after his death, Steve Jobs continues to head Apple Inc., controlling the company from his special place in Hell through a combination of Wi-Fi, G4 and supernatural workarounds.

“I made a pact with the devil years ago,” the deceased executive explained. “I told him he could have my immortal soul if he killed off Flash. I have to say, Satan is a man of his word. I arrived here in October, and by November, Adobe was announcing its phaseout of that piece of garbage software.”

Mortal observers have a different perspective on how Jobs wound up under Beelzebub’s thumb. They claim that millions of iPhone, iPod and iPad users silently cursed the Apple founder every time they were denied access to a video or a website as a result of Apple’s ban on Flash.

“Frustrated computer users say the darndest things,” Satan remarked. “In this case, most of them said, ‘Steve Jobs can go to Hell.’ And thanks to their curses, that’s exactly where he will spend eternity.”

Rather than debate his evil benefactor, Jobs described some of the new innovations he is working on.

“You know how iCloud provides users with external data storage so that they can free up memory on their computer? Well, this new application will do the same thing for people’s brains, freeing up their memories so they have room to think. It’s called iLobotomy.”

The late Apple executive also expressed enthusiasm for a new app tentatively named ShopDrop. Combining aspects of a shopbot with the capabilities of Apple’s Genius music selection program, the innovation takes the stressful decision-making out of shopping. It chooses what to buy, when to buy it and where to make the purchase. All that a user has to do is pay his credit card bill.

“Think of the hours this will save,” Jobs said. “People will have time to ponder more important decisions, like picking which Republican presidential candidate they hate the most.”

With visiting hours almost up, Jobs pulled a small slab-like device from his shirt pocket. “This is my favorite project of all. It’s called iAir-Conditioning, but I can’t seem to get it to work down here.”Cupertino, California -- Almost three months after his death, Steve Jobs continues to... more

mbalton
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1 month ago
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2 comments

I'm Jesus of Nazareth. Song by Oleg Seriy MaRiCaBo. Video

Jesus Christ, our Lord, has already come. His name is Legion and his number is 666. He... more

proektedem
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1 month ago
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I'm Jesus of Nazareth. Song by Oleg Seriy MaRiCaBo

Jesus Christ, our Lord, has already come. His name is Legion and his number is 666. He... more

proektedem
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1 month ago
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I’m So Meme: Halloween Memes

Happy Halloween Memes!

TonyDiGerolamo
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3 months ago
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2 comments

THE SEARCH FOR THE JERSEY DEVIL

Here is the beta trailer for the documentary "THE SEARCH FOR THE JERSEY... more

axisvideo
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5 months ago
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0 comments

WHACKO-TV THE BELIEVING BRAIN

Lumberjack Bob is back with another riveting episode of The Book Nook. This time young... more

dwightdouglas
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6 months ago
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0 comments

Lee Rosevere - The Devil is a Captcha - listen sounds of google "captcha"

On a recent account signup, Google asked me to type something illegible. So I hit the... more

worrg
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6 months ago
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‘SHREE SHREE 1008 PAABUU JEE MAHAARAAJA’ ANSWERS DEVOTEES’ QUESTIONS THROUGH THE HUMAN MEDIUM at ‘SA’ Village….?

‘SHREE SHREE 1008 PAABUU JEE MAHAARAAJA’ ANSWERS DEVOTEES’ QUESTIONS... more

ThakurSherSinghParmar
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7 months ago
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Apple unveils "iLand": You're All Going to Die Here

Steve Jobs is building a 150 acre compound in Cupertino California to house his 12,000 iTroops for the coming Applegeddon, and there's precisely not a single damned thing that you or any god being to which you have pledged your eternal soul can do about it.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing people that getting a discount by signing a two year contract agreement was ever a discount at all...

"iLand" as it will have come to be known to the scattered future rebels fighters of "iYear 41", has been presented to the Cupertino City Council as a new state of the art, environmentally friendly, self sufficient headquarters for Apple Inc. and in a city like Cupertino, where the only form of entertainment is sitting around and watching each other slowly die, this is surely spectacular news.

The plan is being welcomed with open arms by the Mayor, Gilbert Wong, who after being unplugged and booted up said in a statement that Cupertino is excited that Apple is moving forward with a new campus. "We know that we will be looking at a state-of-the-art facility and all the challenges and opportunities that go along with that," the Wong mark IV transmitted to media outlets via his built in wireless Airport card before once again powering down and being plugged back into the wall.

The Tron data disk shaped building sitting on 150 acres of land (that Emperor Jobs absorbed into his own essence after beheading Bill Hewlett and David Packard in a mountain top sword fight filled with lightning and magic) will be four stories tall, with an additional four floors of subterranean "parking" and will be able to generate it's own power. "I think what we're going to end up doing is making the energy center our primary source of power, because we can generate power with natural gas and other ways that can be cleaner and cheaper, and use the grid as our backup," Jobs said.

When asked why the Emperor chose to use air quotes when referring to the lower levels as "parking" he told the petulant upstart council member that he would "see for himself" before firing his Matter Disassembler eye beam iBeams, seemingly vaporizing the man in question and filling the otherwise silent council chambers with his thunderous, mirthless laughter.

"It's a little like a spaceship landed." Jobs joked about the proposed design to the council, eliciting a mandatory response of howling laughter from the remaining un-banished council members at the prodding of the Emperor's elite guard. Like a "spaceship" has "landed", why, such a notion couldn't be further from the truth! Spaceships are the thing of fantasy and children's stories. Sure, it has the look of a space craft from science fiction, but that's simply because the Emperor, in his limitless wisdom and flair for dramatic, poignant imagery has simply chosen a figure which represents the endless, seamless shape of the infinite, while at the same time, in employing a design with no corners he is emphasizing to his enemies that there are no corners where you can hide, no shadows to protect you from his all seeing gaze. Spaceship? That makes him laugh every time.

In fact, what the Jobs has here is not a vehicle in which to travel through space at all but instead a transdimentional focal singularity generator to bring space to him. It is a bridge, as it were, to all known realities, from which Emperor Jobs can launch his troops on endless conquests of the infinity of potential dimensional planes. And it certainly hasn't "landed", that's just preposterous. No, it's actually been there for decades. Only now as its construction has been completed in the "Void-Space" between dimensions will the new headquarters begin phasing into this plane of existence. See, nothing so fantastical as "a spaceship landed".

Plans are expected to be submitted to and approved by the Apple implanted iPoliticians on the Cupertino City Council by 2012 and iLand is expected to fully materialize on this plane of existence and be ready for stage seven of Apple's trans-galactic conquest operation by sometime in 2015.

Of course the new iLand 2, which will be 13% larger, only two stories thick and fully equipped with an extra 3.8 million cameras is expected to be completed six months later.

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For all of your rickety, windowless, primered comedy needs, visit:
vanfullofcandy.comSteve Jobs is building a 150 acre compound in Cupertino California to house his 12,000... more

VanFullOfCandy
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8 months ago
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6 comments

The Lightbringers: History of Freemasonry

THE LIGHTBRINGERS: The Emissaries of Jahbulon (History of Freemasonry) 53:21 - 5... more

rodstradamus
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8 months ago
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1 comment

WTF!? What happens if you play it backwards?!

http://tweetmysong.com/bq14m2
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/charlie-sheen-status-f-k-you/id434667111

"Ok so here we go.
Hello everyone. My name is Mitsurugi Kazumaru the demon infested, schizophrenic, bi-polar young man also known as Cel-Man Iller (Anime styled pirate 22 year old, possessed by 6 old evil demons with unbelievable abilities in rapping skills, think Travis Touchdown/Scott Pilgram/Squall Leonheart/Metal Sonic hybrib).
This mixtape was my first solo/SOLO project aside from any other Peanut Butter Mech projects in a while since Persona 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.
I had been recording a lot of songs for Peanut Butter Mech with the same old Slim Lo persona as in the past.
I wanted to dip out of my old monophonic style back with my Infinity Incomplete Institute Inc. Mixtape but that turned into another Slim Lo prodigy.
The first step of stepping out of that style was back in 2010 when KidEquip and I came into Kyobito Pt. 5 [Dream]

http://www.youtube.com/v/XKhpyReSmY8

Though the Persona 5 mixtape got good reviews in my eye's I still felt it lacking so I upped my game in later 2010 when I started to let myself slip back into my more darker state and not try to fight it and write about my experince of life through darker eye's from my past that I had gotten out of in early 2010.
I released Charlie Sheen Status that got the attention of iTunes and then it seemed like all of my associates and affiliates in PBM as far as Producers had upped their game as well and collaborating became an awesome mix of swamp skunk soup of nasty funk dope shit!
So the sound may sound more Underground/Pop/Alternative/Experimental sound to it which I didn't want a pop genre tagged on this project, especially it being my last Mixtape ever, but it fucking happened anyways so fuck it. But anyways, here is the mixtape! Enjoy! Download is free except Charlie Sheen Status due to the iTunes agreement, so it can only get purchased from there and all the support is appreciated much. It will go towards Peanut Butter Mech & Tha Herban Lyf Projects in the future. And possibly give me motivation to keep doing solo work."

@afroskullz
@peanutbuttermek
http://www.facebook.com/mr.kazumaruhttp://tweetmysong.com/bq14m2... more

deangilowithani
added this
8 months ago
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0 comments

"Dope" Part One

Here's the latest draft screenplay- now i guess i need a ghost writer but it... more

Kid_Shaleen
added this
9 months ago
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1 comment

Saints and Sinners

Well, I for one think things have gotten a little too serious lately. Time for a party... more

Costume_Box
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11 months ago
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0 comments

DVD Releases for December 21, 2010

A rundown of this week's new home media releases with commentary after the jump.

Mario_McKellop
added this
1 year ago
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0 comments

I'm White, I'm Male, So The @#$% What!!!

"I don't have a job, a home or a car! I don't have anything and you want me to apologize to you because you don't have anything either!? Spare me! Why don't you go cry to Oprah, Jennifer Lopez, Tyler Perry, Alex Rodriguez, Kobe Bryant or Will Smith!!!"

You can lob epithets like racist, bigot, homophobe, misogynist and the like at the infamous White Man and no one will say much. It's expected. He is The Man after all. He's not even human. Just an oppressive automaton who is responsible for all the world's ills and he even has the audacity to not apologize for simply being? How dare he!? Good thing there are liberal white men out there. At least they express their tacit guilt. But really, what is inherently wrong about him taking pride in his European heritage? Is it because you view your existence as inauspicious due to this heritage? He exploited and oppressed you and because of this there should be no celebration of European virtues. You supported his whims through your labor. He killed you. He took your land. He deceived you. He raped your women. But what is it about him that makes him behave this way and if he thinks himself superior is he truly superior or do you give him power by thinking him evil? What if he is just like you?

What if he feels powerless even though you say he controls "everything?" What if he feels like nothing? Why must you treat him as if he is some comic book-esque supervillian? Why do you laugh in his face when he expresses his frustration? What does this say about you? Are you envious of the access his skin color affords him? Do you see his lack of melanin as a blessing? Do you not feel your abundance of melanin is a curse? Do you have to overcompensate in order to battle against a deep-seated inferiority complex? Is your black or brown pride a by-product of the acknowledgement of his existence? Who were you before you found out about him? How did you see yourself then? Probably not as brown or black. Perhaps you were just you.

That's it! That's why the white man is evil! He made me acknowledge the fact that I was 'some thing.' I'm not 'some thing,' I am some ONE!

Is this all his fault? What if it is all OUR fault? And by 'our' I mean us, not them...and by 'not them' I mean them.

Hey, I clicked those hyperlinks and I'm lost. Us? Not them? What?

We're all lost. Click the link below and let's see if we can build a compass...together.
http://trickyrelativity.wordpress.com/2010/11/09/im-white-im-male-so-the-what/"I don't have a job, a home or a car! I don't have anything and you... more

trickyrelativity
added this
1 year ago
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33 comments

Walmart Reportedly Refuses To Carry Kanye West's Album Because of the Devil Worshiping Theme (BANNED ART) - The Daily Blender

ALBUM COVER: Kanye West – “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”... more

dryeraser
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1 year ago
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1 comment

Weekend Movie News: The Social Network Dominates Charts $23 Million Best Movies Ever

Best movies ever predicted that The Social Network would take the weekend box office... more

gooma2
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1 year ago
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0 comments

I think my girlfriend is the Devil.

Some women are evil and we need to stand up and tell our stories. The Devil is alive... more

Prep
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1 year ago
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1 comment

The Town, Easy A & Devil Best Movies Ever Reviews

Best movies ever decided to change up a little and do a second look review with the... more

gooma2
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1 year ago
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