tagged w/ Current Comedy
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Teenage singing star Miley Cyrus, 16, was originally tapped for the new post of Culture Secretary but was forced to withdraw after a photograph of her and her friends pulling slant eyes emerged and offended Asian Pacific Americans across the country. She was also roundly condemned for her performance during Senate hearings as Culture Secretary-designate, where she claimed that Afghanistan was an Indian restaurant in downtown Los Angeles and that opera was invented by Spongebob Squarepants in episode 4, season 2.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/obama-admits-error-in-choosing-miley.htmlTeenage singing star Miley Cyrus, 16, was originally tapped for the new post of... more
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The 14 time gold medallist said: “For far too long we have had our younger generation going through higher education with very little formal training on how to successfully inhale a large cone at a party full of busty babes. This has subsequently led to countless cases of bong water being spilt over the floor and horrendous whiteys being pulled by students across the globe.
Despite what people are claiming the photo shows, I am generating a high level of smoke from a moderate amount of cannabis – a skill that would serve many of our bright young things well.”
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/michael-phelps-defends-his-bong-work.htmlThe 14 time gold medallist said: “For far too long we have had our younger... more
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Following the news that many of the senior bankers responsible for the current global economic turmoil shared billions in bonuses at the end of 2008, many analysts do not believe that it is possible for us to be any more irritated by the rich, incompetent, twats.
Not the type of people to shy from a challenge (unless that challenge is running a bank properly), the executives have convened a week long seminar in the Maldives to plan their annoyance strategy, which will be based around the following three themes: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/bankers-to-sleep-with-your-wife-and.htmlFollowing the news that many of the senior bankers responsible for the current global... more
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Former Republican vice-presidential nominee Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has been revealed as the woman who gave birth to 8 babies this week.
Halfway through a speech inaugurating her political action committee SarahPAC, the first of the babies popped out and Governor Palin was rushed to hospital for the full delivery...
This is satire, full story here: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/01/sarah-palin-gives-birth-to-octuplets.htmlFormer Republican vice-presidential nominee Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska has been... more
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The government has announced plans for all UK homes to get 2Mbps broadband by 2012, and with it lots of sexy girl on goat action.
The move was part of a number of red hot recommendations made by Lord Stringfellow as part of his Dirty Britain report. The Prime Minister said digital technology was now as important for the effective use of pornography as "Kleenex, curtains and a well thumbed copy of Hustler was in the 20th century".
This is satire: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/01/hardcore-porn-for-all-by-2012.htmlThe government has announced plans for all UK homes to get 2Mbps broadband by 2012,... more
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Three-quarters of French people and all the main trade unions are planning to take part in what the press are calling "A Normal Thursday". Air France flights will continue to be late, and British passengers will be looked at as if they are sloppy, worm ridden turds, while French travellers are greeted like long lost friends.
The protesters are demonstrating against President Sarkozy's plans to make people work 36 hours a week and reduce their holiday entitlement from 38 hours a week to 37. The President has vowed to personally drive trains, sell cheese, and leer at foreign tourists in order to help meet the shortfall of staff in key industries.
This satire, full story here: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/01/as-strike-begins-france-braces-for.htmlThree-quarters of French people and all the main trade unions are planning to take... more
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"We have made IE 8 the best browser when it comes to manners and etiquette," said Microsoft's Amy Barzdukas. "IE 8 will not come first and leave you unsatisfied, and nor will it leave the washing up until morning. This is one modern and considerate browser."
With Firefox, Chrome, and Safari snapping at it's heels for the title of browser that is coolest, safest and most tuned into the real you, Microsoft has been under pressure to create a browser that won't just sit around eating nachos and watching re-runs of Seinfeld.
This is satire, click here for the full story: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/01/microsofts-new-web-browser-is-amazing.html"We have made IE 8 the best browser when it comes to manners and etiquette,"... more
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The Dixie Chicks, former French president Jacques Chirac, and British pop star George Michael have sensationally been found chained, gagged and locked in solitary confinement at Guantanamo Bay.
All were outspoken critics of the war in Iraq and subsequently disappeared just after Dick Cheney took an extended holiday to the island.
This is satire, click here for the full story: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/01/obama-opens-guantanamo-finds-dixie_27.htmlThe Dixie Chicks, former French president Jacques Chirac, and British pop star George... more
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The Republican Senator for Arizona and former presidential nominee was said to be resisting a job with the new administration in order to maintain his independence, but when offered control of the White House catering and housekeeping budget he felt unable to refuse, according to close friends. Fellow Senate Republican Lindsey Graham explained McCain's motivations. "John's sense of duty is such that even though he was hoping for something at Cabinet level such as Defense or Veterans Affairs, any post in the administration would have been hard to turn down."
McCain has already started work and is wowing the White House staff with his authentic Vietnamese food and fully serviced late night poker games. Obama is said to be listening closely to the Senator's views on Middle Eastern table etiquette and how it can be used to improve the productivity of lunchtime meetings.
This is satire: read the full story here: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/01/john-mccain-accepts-job-as-white-house.htmlThe Republican Senator for Arizona and former presidential nominee was said to be... more
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A compromise was announced Thursday by Press Secretary Robert Gibbs at his first meeting with White House reporters. “The president has a DS,” Gibbs told the press corps. “The team have agreed to let him keep it as long as he promises not to play Star Wars Lego during Cabinet meetings or Cooking Mama whilst on the phone to foreign leaders”
Click on the link for the full story...A compromise was announced Thursday by Press Secretary Robert Gibbs at his first... more
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The Stupid Times can exclusively reveal that President Obama was seen backstage at his seventh inaugural ball trying to score coke and ecstasy before hitting the dance floor. On arriving at the Let’s get dressed as a Pirate Ball Obama was heard saying that he could not face clambering aboard the Jolly Roger themed dance floor with his first mate Michelle wearing an eye patch.
Soon after the leader of the free world was spotted by the bar with a young man dressed as Jack Sparrow muttering ‘pills, pills you got any pills.’The Stupid Times can exclusively reveal that President Obama was seen backstage at his... more
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Clinton was rumoured to be holding out for some kind of technicality or undiscovered rule that would have allowed the Senate to elect her as President during her State vote. She had apparently imprisoned Senator Jim DeMint in a cupboard at knifepoint until he agreed to table a motion that would have put her in the Oval Office.Clinton was rumoured to be holding out for some kind of technicality or undiscovered... more
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Millions of people are rioting in downtown Washington D.C. tonight after new President Barack Obama failed to deliver the first expected miracle of his term of office – ascending into the blessed embrace of God Almighty.Millions of people are rioting in downtown Washington D.C. tonight after new President... more
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Trillionaire owner Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan has pledged that buying Kaka is just the start of a process to make the City squad more valuable then South America.
A spokesman of Al Nahyn said: “It is our aim to sign Lionel Messi and Ronaldo for £200 million a piece and put them on wages of £1million before the transfer window closes. It will then be up to our manager Mark Hughes to create a winning team. His job is safe for the moment but he knows for every game lost, a finger will be removed and relegation will lead to him being stoned to death outside the ground.”Trillionaire owner Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan has pledged that buying Kaka is... more
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Following prayers, Bush will deliver a speech outlining his fondest memories of the presidency and his hopes for the future. Then at approximately 1050 EST, the soon to be ex-leader of the free world will climb down from the podium, drop his trousers and curl down a great big steaming shit onto the White House lawn.Following prayers, Bush will deliver a speech outlining his fondest memories of the... more
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Business leaders are backing the project, because it will allow them a bigger choice of flights to their holiday homes, and perhaps create a few minimum wage jobs as well.
Business Secretary Lord Mandelson denied that the decision utterly contradicted the government's commitment to environmental concerns. "It's a classic dilemma - I can't get the bloody train to Corfu, but we're also over a barrel with all the climate change bollocks. By adding a train line to the plans, we should just be able to get away with it."Business leaders are backing the project, because it will allow them a bigger choice... more
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The government has struck a deal with lenders to ensure that they only smirk at you as you beg to borrow some of your own money.
Since the credit crunch hit last year, banks and credit companies have been duty bound to shit themselves laughing whenever a hard pressed small business or homeowner comes through the door to try and sort out their finances.The government has struck a deal with lenders to ensure that they only smirk at you as... more
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A BBC investigation also discovered that employees in UK factories are actually getting paid in cash for their backbreaking shifts, not in salt and chocolate as previously thought. Even more shocking was video footage of workers for Primark's suppliers in Indonesia sitting down eating their lunch and smiling and waving at the camera, rather than weeping and howling as their fingers break off at the end of a 32 hour shift sewing on buttons.A BBC investigation also discovered that employees in UK factories are actually... more
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Playing the computer puzzle game Tetris can help reduce the effects of a tedious existence, UK researchers say. Volunteers were exposed to soul destroying jobs, with some given the game to play 30 minutes later. Those that played the game were less likely to down five pints in the pub at lunch or stare at porn through bitter tears, said the scientists.Playing the computer puzzle game Tetris can help reduce the effects of a tedious... more
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Bush and Vice-President Cheney refused to attend a press conference to discuss the matter. They were said to be busy working on a plan that will ensure Israel can unload their full arsenal of weapons on Gaza before W heads back to the ranch in a fortnight.A source close to the former Secretary of Defence has said that if the Pardons are revoked and a warrant is put out for his arrest Rumsfeld may seek asylum with Osama Bin Laden in the Tora Bora caves.Bush and Vice-President Cheney refused to attend a press conference to discuss the... more
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