tagged w/ Political Satire
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Does the Family Circus (formerly the Family Circle) contain hidden Communist propaganda designed to brainwash our innocent children?Does the Family Circus (formerly the Family Circle) contain hidden Communist... more
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New Rule: Democrats must get in touch with their inner asshole. And no, I'm not being gratuitously crude when I say that. I refer to the case of Van Jones, and I'm sure you know who Van Jones is. At least I hope you do, because I haven't a clue, or at least I didn't until this week, when I found out he was the man the Obama administration hired to find jobs for Americans in the new green industries. Seems like a smart thing to do in a recession, but Van Jones got fired because he became the Scary Negro of the Week on Fox News, where, let's be honest, they still feel threatened by Harry Belafonte.
Now, I know that right now, I'm supposed to be all re-injected with yes-we-can fever after the big health care speech, and it was a great speech -- when Black Elvis gets jiggy with his teleprompter, there is none better. But here's the thing: Muhammad Ali also had a way with words, but it helped enormously that he could also punch guys in the face.
What got Van Jones fired was they caught him on tape saying that Republicans are assholes. And they call it "news." And Obama didn't say a word in defense of Jones and basically fired him when Glenn Beck told him to. Just like we dropped "end of life counseling" from health care reform because Sarah Palin said it meant "death panels" on her Facebook page.
Crazy evil morons make up things for Obama to do, and he does it.
Same thing with the speech to children this week. If you missed it, the president attempted to merely tell school children to work hard and wash their hands, and Cracker Nation reacted as if he was trying to hire the Black Panthers to hand out grenades in homeroom. Of course, the White House immediately capitulated. "No students will be forced to view the speech," a White House spokesperson assured a panicked nation. Isn't that like admitting that the president might be doing something unseemly? What a bunch of cowards. If the White House had any balls, they'd say, "He's giving a speech on the importance of staying in school, and if you spineless jackasses don't show it to every damn kid in your school we're cutting off your federal education funding tomorrow."
The Democrats just never learn: Americans don't really care which side of an issue you're on as long as you don't act like pussies. When Van Jones called the Republicans assholes, he was paying them a compliment. He was talking about how they can get things done even when they're in the minority, as opposed to the Democrats, who can't seem to get anything done even when they control both houses of Congress, the presidency, and Bruce Springsteen.
I love Obama's civility in the face of such contumely, his desire to work with his enemies, it's positively Christ-like. In college, he was probably the guy at the dorm parties who made sure the stoners shared their pot with the jocks. But we don't need that guy now. We need an asshole.
Mr. President, there are some people who are never going to like you. That's why they voted for the old guy and Carrie's mom. You're not going to win them over. Stand up for the 70% of Americans who aren't crazy.
And speaking of that 70% -- let's call them the sentient majority -- when are we going to actually show up in all this? Tomorrow Glenn Beck's army of zombie retirees are marching on Washington in protest of, well, everything. It's the Million Moron March, although they won't get a million of course, because many will be confused and drive to Washington state -- but they will make news. Because people who take to the streets always do. They're at the town hall screaming at the congressman, we're on the couch screaming at the TV. Especially in this age of electronics and Snuggies, it's a statement to just leave the house. But leave the house we must, because this is our last best shot for a long time to get the sort of serious health care reform that would make the United States the envy of several African nations.New Rule: Democrats must get in touch with their inner asshole. And no, I'm not being... more
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You kids today think you’ve got it made, what with hundreds of cable TV channels, each one focused on a narrow genre like death and destruction, Herpes, and funny things you can do with string.
But back when I was in college there were only three cable channels that mattered and they were the superstations: New York’s WOR, Chicago’s WGN and Atlanta’s WTBS.
Those were golden days, my friends, and not because we could watch the New York Mets, Chicago Cubs and Atlanta Braves to our heart’s content. And frankly, you could toss out the first two superstations. For my money, the only one that mattered back then was the one whose signature star was a scrawny guy with a mustache named Bill Tush.
Tush was the reason the college kids tuned in, because late at night, here was MC Crazy and anything went.
It is my pleasure to welcome to Mr. Media a guy who made college a whole lot more tolerable and entertaining for my generation, Mr. Bill Tush.You kids today think you’ve got it made, what with hundreds of cable TV channels,... more
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There's some pretty stiff competition for this coveted title. The highlight of the show is the swimsuit competition.There's some pretty stiff competition for this coveted title. The highlight of the... more
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By John Lundberg
Watching Sarah Palin resign the other week, I remembered how frustrating it is to listen to her speak. She uses simple words, but combines them into a fog that's hard to penetrate, out of which a few political clichés like "freedom" and "reform" appear. Most politicians, of course, obfuscate to some degree, but Palin is a master, and she does it constantly. Look at how she turns a simple statement into a mind-numbing puzzle (this is from Hart Seely's terrific collection of found poems taken from actual Sarah Palin quotes):
You know,
Small mayors,
Mayors of small towns--
Quote, unquote--
They're on the front lines.
A quick analysis reveals why understanding Palin can be such a challenge. She follows a folksy "you know" with a clear misstatement--"small mayors"--which she follows with a clarification, which she then amends with the inexplicable "quote, unquote." By the time she gets to her point--that small town mayors are on the front lines (which she could have simply said)--one is too bogged down in misstatements, repetitions, poor syntax and folksiness to know what to think. This is, no doubt, why her interviewers often look a bit stunned, jaw slightly agape, when Palin finishes answering a question: they don't have a clear idea of what she said.
When you extend Palin's speaking style (if it's even a style) to a more complex issue like the bailout, it becomes a sort of verbal Armageddon. Here's another found poem by Seely called "On the Bailout":
Ultimately,
What the bailout does
Is help those who are concerned
About the health care reform
That is needed
To help shore up our economy,
Helping the--
It's got to be all about job creation, too.
Shoring up our economy
And putting it back on the right track.
So health care reform
And reducing taxes
And reining in spending
Has got to accompany tax reductions
And tax relief for Americans.
And trade.
We've got to see trade
As opportunity
Not as a competitive, scary thing.
But one in five jobs
Being created in the trade sector today,
We've got to look at that
As more opportunity.
All those things.
Your head should be spinning at this point.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-lundberg/sarah-palin-the-anti-poet_b_237935.htmlBy John Lundberg
Watching Sarah Palin resign the other week, I remembered how... more
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I'm not going to say that In the Loop -- the new British political comedy directed by Armando Iannucci and based on his award-winning BBC sitcom The Thick of It -- is going help put the last eight years of U.S./Great Britain relations into context, but at the very least, I think it provides some bracing insights into how politicians on both sides of the Atlantic fulfill the pressing demands of their jobs. That is to say: Not all that well.
On the G.B. side, you've got, amongst others, a minister (Tom Hollander) whose every encounter with the press seems destined to provoke an 2009-07-15-Still3_1283_310.jpginternational incident, and a director of communications (the superb Peter Capaldi) who wields his power with such vitriolic zeal that sulfur trails linger when he leaves the room. Here in the good ol' U.S. of A, there's an assistant secretary for diplomacy (Mimi Kennedy) who bristles at her isolation from all the good committees -- you know, the ones that plan wars and stuff -- and a Pentagon General (James Gandolfini) whose instincts for survival are maybe too finely honed.
They all come together over an impending conflict in the Middle East (Iannucci is discreet about which country is actually getting invaded) and a document that, if it ever reached the public, could derail the entire enterprise (said document having been drafted in America, so it's not at all like the Downing Street Memo). In the course of the drum-up to war, there'll be furtive love affairs (between government assistants Chris Addison and Anna Chlumsky), much ego stroking and destruction (Capaldi's official flies all the way to Washington to discover that his exclusive, White House one-on-one is with a deputy assistant secretary who looks like an escapee from High School Musical), considerable jockeying for position, innumerable invocations of the f-word, and a stealth appearance by Steve Coogan (maybe you'll have better luck finding him than I did -- I had to check the production notes to be sure).
In sum, it's political vitriol in the grand, British tradition. Wouldn't have it any other way.
Click the link to hear my interview with Iannucci:I'm not going to say that In the Loop -- the new British political comedy directed by... more
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The head of the Central Intelligence Agency has accused former Vice-President Dick Cheney of masterminding a secret plot to keep President George W Bush's mouth the f*ck closed.
Congress, the judiciary and the media were all unaware of the secret plot to keep the President locked in a small room at the White House, or cover his mouth with masking tape when he was allowed out in public.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/07/cheney-ordered-cia-to-cover-bushs-mouth.htmlThe head of the Central Intelligence Agency has accused former Vice-President Dick... more
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The Onion strikes again this time spoofing Obama's economic recovery plans.
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The dumbing down of politics and public life should probably look something like this:
"A new primetime show called I'm an MP......get me in the Chair! will be aired on ITV1 on Sunday and Monday with the candidates for the job put through various tests at a camp in the New Forest. The public will vote off one MP every few hours by phone. Presented by Ant and Dec, the tasks will include drinking steaming hot bowls of horseshit, climbing up trees to get food rations, and eating animal genitals in an attempt to prove they are the best person for the job."
Probably no more silly than the current system for electing the speaker.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/06/new-commons-speaker-to-be-chosen-on.htmlThe dumbing down of politics and public life should probably look something like this:... more
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Their demonstrations were centered on the historic Tiananmen Square in Beijing, where the iconic image of a lone man standing in front of a tank was beamed around the world. Now in an apparent act of contrition, the government has teamed up with McDonald's to commemorate the brutally crushed rebellion with a new representation of the scene.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/06/china-marks-tiananmen-square-with.htmlTheir demonstrations were centered on the historic Tiananmen Square in Beijing, where... more
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Dick gets wet, when soldiers waterboard Cheney in the name of liberty and justice.
From SuperNews! an animated sketch comedy series airing on Current TV every Friday night at 10p/9c.
So set your DVRs and TIVOs. Like... now.
For more SuperNews! go to www.current.com/supernewsDick gets wet, when soldiers waterboard Cheney in the name of liberty and justice.... more
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......the final tiebreaker saw the contest go to the President. He confidently spelled out INTERROGATION and sat down sure of victory. Cheney was asked to spell HUMILITY and immediately lost his footing. Asking for a sentence, he was given "You sir, do not appear to have a single f*cking shred of HUMILITY you crypto-fascist piece of sh*t."
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/05/obama-cheney-faceoff-in-national.html......the final tiebreaker saw the contest go to the President. He confidently spelled... more
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A Tory MP is to leave parliament after admitting he claimed a £1.6 million "secret island" on expenses.
Sir Peter Viggers, whose world domination claims totalled £30 million is to quit at "the direct request of the chairman of SPECTRE" for bringing the terror organization into disrepute.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/05/mp-retiring-over-taxpayer-funded-secret.htmlA Tory MP is to leave parliament after admitting he claimed a £1.6 million "secret... more
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After several days of intense pressure, Michael Martin had been holding firm in his intention to remain in office. But early on Tuesday he heard that Esther Rantzen, a faded TV personality and general sanctimonious pain in the arse, is planning on standing for parliament.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/05/speaker-resigns-on-hearing-esther.htmlAfter several days of intense pressure, Michael Martin had been holding firm in his... more
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Mr Netanyahu said Israel was ready to live "side by side" with Palestinians as long as they were ready for regular scraps, the odd slaughter and at least two full scale wars a year. Any agreement also depended on Palestinian acceptance of Israel's right to "kick the shit out of their houses daily", he added.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/05/netanyahu-agrees-two-war-solution.htmlMr Netanyahu said Israel was ready to live "side by side" with Palestinians as long as... more
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