Fathers // Current

Fathers 4 Justice: No jail for being a dad

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Teri_Stoddard
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Raising Children, Some Things Never Change | Gomestic

No matter what the experts say raising our children is strictly a matter for the... more

Ronnie_Spangler
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My Father's Business Cards

After my father's death in 2008, I try to string together the stories and memories of... more

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Soldier killed in Afghanistan re-enlisted to get health care coverage for family

CNN news anchor John Roberts asks "How far would you go to get good health insurance?"... more

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"I Found Myself Completely Speechless" U People Story

Shalewa McCall offers a few examples of her kid saying the darndest things... U... more

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Missing Boy Hidden in Grandma's Wall

ST. LOUIS (Sept. 5) - A boy allegedly abducted in a custody dispute nearly two years ago has turned up alive, hiding with his mother in a small, specially built secret room at his grandmother's Illinois home, investigators said.

Richard "Ricky" Chekevdia, who turns 7 on Sept. 14, was in good spirits and physically fit after being found Friday by investigators with a court order to search the two-story rural home in southern Illinois' Franklin County, about 120 miles southeast of St. Louis.

The boy's mother, 30-year-old Shannon Wilfong, is charged with felony child abduction. The grandmother, 51-year-old Diane Dobbs, is charged with aiding and abetting. Wilfong remained jailed Saturday on $42,500 bond in Benton, Ill., where Dobbs was being held on $1,000 bond. The women did not have attorneys listed Saturday in online court records.

The boy was staying Saturday with one of his father's relatives while state child-welfare workers investigated claims the father abused the child before his disappearance — allegations rejected by the dad, who's thrilled the agonizing search has ended.
"Two years? You have no idea," Mike Chekevdia, a 48-year-old former police officer who's a lieutenant colonel in the Illinois National Guard, told The Associated Press by telephone Saturday from his house in Royalton, Ill., some three miles from the home where his son turned up. "I've lost sleep. I've lost weight. I've gained weight. I wouldn't wish this on anybody."

After hearing his son had been found, Chekevdia said, "you could have knocked me over with a feather."

Chekevdia won temporary custody of his son shortly before the boy and his mother — Chekevdia's former girlfriend — disappeared in November 2007.

Chekevdia said he long suspected his son was being stowed by Dobbs, although there were no signs of the boy at her home when it was searched with her consent after his disappearance. Wilfong was charged in December 2007 with abducting the boy but couldn't be found.

For much of the time since, Chekevdia said, the windows of Dobbs' home were blocked off by drawn shades or other items, presumably to prevent anyone from peeking inside.
"I had a firm belief he was in there, and yesterday it was confirmed," Chekevdia said.
Investigators, during a news conference Friday, did not detail what led sheriff's deputies and federal marshals with a search warrant to Dobbs' house Friday, when they found the boy and his mother in a hideaway roughly 5 feet by 12 feet and about the height of a washing machine.
"We let him out of the (patrol) car and he ran around like he'd never seen outdoors. It was actually very sad," Illinois State Police Master Sgt. Stan Diggs said. "He was very happy to be outside. He said he never goes outside."ST. LOUIS (Sept. 5) - A boy allegedly abducted in a custody dispute nearly two years... more

MotherForTruth
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Low Riders

Every year, fathers gather at Franklin Park in Boston, MA to celebrate fatherhood.... more

presspass
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TURKISH AMERICAN ORGANIZATIONS / with: DEEP GOVERNMENT CONNECTIONS:

. Former FBI Language Specialist Sibel Edmonds finally gets to testify under oath,... more

gerardange
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A Soldier and Father Suicide Story

"This story is far too true, and far too common. Soldiers returning from war, only to... more

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Mamas vs. Papas: Two gay couples fight over custody of child

Biological dad has "no rights," judge says.

Two dads face off against two moms. It's perhaps the most unique custody battle in recent Florida history and maybe the most radical verdict. Katherine Alicea and her eight-year partner, Ana Sobrino, decided to have a baby about a half-decade ago. Again and again, they tried using sperm from anonymous donors. But Katherine — a driven real estate agent then in her late 30s — couldn't get pregnant.

Enter their close friend, Ray Janssen, a handsome, gay Air Force veteran.

After some casual negotiation, he donated and Katherine conceived. In August 2006, a sweet and burbling baby whom we'll call Austin was born. Katherine put Ray's name on the birth certificate because she wanted the child to know his dad's identity.

That was a big mistake.

The baby was raised mostly by Katherine and Ana at their NE 24th Street home, a block from Biscayne Bay. But Ray and his partner Craig also spent time with the boy. "[Ray] made it clear he wanted to be involved in the child's life," psychologist Sherrie Lewis-Thomas later wrote. He took Austin to baby music lessons. Sometimes the child would sleep over at his "da-da's" Miami Beach apartment overlooking a canal.

Then, last fall, the mothers decided to move to California, and things got ugly.

Ray sued Katherine in November 2008. The case tells the story of two sets of gay parents — all of them loving and active in the child's life — vying for custody. "Responsibility for the child should be awarded to the mother and father equally," Ray demanded in the suit. "[I am] the natural father."

After considering arguments from both sides, Miami-Dade Circuit Court Judge Leon Firtel on June 3 found Ray was nothing more than a sperm donor. Because there was no contract before birth, he had "no rights."

Says Ray's attorney, Gerald Kornreich: "[The ruling] is the most tragic of my career, and I will not rest until Ray is reunited with his son."

Opposing council Hugo Acebo responds that Ray surrendered his role when he let the mothers become primary caregivers: "Ray has changed his mind about his parental role... Katherine and Ana feel like their family unit is being attacked."

A motion for reconsideration is scheduled in circuit court this week.Biological dad has "no rights," judge says. Two dads face off against two moms.... more

MotherForTruth
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Moms reveal why they gave up their children.

Some stereotypes die harder than others. One of the most enduring is the widespread... more

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Law based on a social science research or ideology?

Family roles have changed substantially since the 1950s. Mom now works outside the... more

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Obama Father's Day Message: Dads Need To Step Up

In an unusual devotion of time for the president, Barack Obama is blocking out nearly an entire afternoon to promote the importance of being a good dad as a national priority.

The emphasis on responsible fatherhood is personal for Obama. When he was a presidential candidate he rebuked absentee dads _ particularly those in his own black community _ for acting like boys and putting their kids at risk. Now one of the world's most famous fathers has a presidential megaphone.

Obama on Friday planned to visit a nonprofit center that helps train young adults for professional careers; host a town hall on personal responsibility, where successful everyday dads will share their stories; and invite male students from local schools to the White House to have fun hanging with some famous faces.

The day's events were intended to kick off a White House effort on fatherhood and mentoring. The White House Office of Faith-Based and Neighborhood Partnerships will host forums around the country this summer and fall to gather ideas on good programs and to help promote them.

"We think if we can lift some of that up, we can inspire more activity and engagement on these issues," Joshua DuBois, the director of the office, told The Associated Press. "Is everything going to change because of one day at the White House and a sustained commitment throughout the year? No. But the president thinks it's important to lead by example, and to do something about these matters."

It is common for presidents to celebrate strong fatherhood, particularly heading into Father's Day weekend.

But Obama is purposely giving the matter prominent attention, knowing that alone might draw the kind of media coverage the topic otherwise would not get at a time of war, economic crisis and other important news.

While the president is visiting Year Up, a highly regarded program that helps young adults, athletes and other figures will be visiting different nonprofits to broaden the outreach. Obama also recorded a video to be shown during Saturday's Rally for Responsible Fatherhood on the National Mall.

Obama spent much of his own life without a father around. His dad left home in Hawaii when Obama was 2 years old and the future president saw his father only one other time after that. The president and his wife, Michelle, have two daughters, Sasha, 8, and Malia, 10.

"This is an issue that he takes very seriously both because he grew up without a father in his own life, but also because he's seen the impact that present fathers can have, and absent fathers can have, in our communities," DuBois said.In an unusual devotion of time for the president, Barack Obama is blocking out nearly... more

atomiclegion
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Daddy & Me

Daddy & Me
By Paul Hankes Drielsma

At the top, the flyer read “Mommy & Me Yoga” in 40-point font. At the very bottom, it added “Dads welcome!” in a font sized appropriately for the disclaimers in last second of a car commercial. When I arrived for my first class, the other participants (all mommies) glanced at me suspiciously. A few reached nonchalantly for their diaper bags and removed their Hooter Hiders, designer covers for discreet breastfeeding. It was clear that, to some, I had intruded into an environment where these were not supposed to be needed.

The result was a lose-lose situation: I ended up feeling less than fully welcome, a small-font participant at an event where I had every right to be. Other dads who might have participated probably read the heading of the flyer and walked on, assuming that they weren’t invited. On the flip side of the coin, some of the women attending were made visibly uncomfortable by the presence of a man in a venue where, if they hadn’t read the fine print, they were justified in thinking there would be none.

“Mommy & Me” is catchy and alliterative, and, in my neighborhood, it’s the standard label for parent-child events, whether fathers are welcome or not. The term is also unapologetic in its exclusion of fathers, and no analogue exists: the top results for a similar Google search for “Daddy & Me” include disturbing news items about horrific domestic violence.

Squeamishness at yoga classes aside (I endured the stares, continued attending, and thoroughly enjoyed the class), as a society, we often talk about fathers as less than full partners in the parental relationship. I recently returned to work after three months’ paternity leave under the Family Medical Leave Act, an experience that, in addition to a wonderful chance to bond with my son as his primary caregiver, gave me a first-hand opportunity to observe the language we use to refer to fathers and the roles that they play. Most often, I was asked if I was babysitting the kid for the day or playing nanny. When I explained that I was at home full-time for three months, the movie title “Daddy Day Care” was brought up more than once. I was offended, and not just at being compared to an Eddie Murphy character 20 years after he did anything funny. When my parental leave began, some of my co-workers (with the best of intentions, I should add), threw me a little party to celebrate my “extended vacation.” Grateful though I was, I tried my best to explain that I wasn’t going on vacation. I was going to be a parent — full-time.

The roles that a mother plays in the lives of her children are so integral that to refer to her using language that suggests an occasional, casual participant in the child’s rearing would be, at best, dismissive, and, at worst, offensive. So why isn’t the same true for fathers? Our lexicon for describing what fathers actually do is limited at best: “mothering” is the standard description of what we need when we want to be comforted; “fathering” is a word, just not one I’ve ever heard anyone actually use.

For the empirically minded, try challenging a friend of the opposite sex to count the number of changing tables you both encounter in public restrooms in a given week. If you’re a man, don’t take any wagers on finding the greater number of changing tables: men’s rooms aren’t assumed to be places that need them.

I don’t want to play the role of the “woe is me” father; to the contrary, I believe that everybody loses when we use trivializing language. Scour the parenting forums on the Internet and you’ll find the common lament that “DH” (darling husband) expects a medal whenever he “babysits” junior for a few hours. I have little sympathy for DH in these cases, but maybe a step in the right direction would be to stop using language that suggests hired help — to stop referring to DH’s job in the same terms as somebody who could legitimately stick his hand out at the end of his shift and demand a tip. DHDaddy & Me By Paul Hankes Drielsma At the top, the flyer read “Mommy & Me... more

MotherForTruth
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Another political prisoner in California

While Attny Fine is still in jail for fighting the corruption in the family court... more

regjoeschmo
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This Father's Day we want to give a shout-out to the Aka people.

The dads who make up this hunter-gatherer tribe from southwestern Central African Republic and northern Congo are officially the best fathers in the world. It's quite the honour — one bestowed by Fathers Direct, a UK information centre on fatherhood.

This is no construction paper, glitter and glue award you made in second grade. It's also not something determined by the "Greatest Dad Olympics" that measures strength or speed or barbecuing ability.

Individual dads in the Aka tribe have these qualities, but Fathers Direct found something more important — an emphasis on nurture and love.

Aka fathers either hold or are within arm's reach of their infants 47 per cent of the time — the highest rate in the world. The men take their children with them to social events. They settle the baby when it wakes up at night. Snuggling is both a sign of affection and an activity shared by dad and baby for hours at a time.

Sadly, the Aka are the worldwide exception.

In the same report, Fathers Direct found only 20 per cent of the 156 cultures studied encourage a father's close relationship with their infant and only 5 per cent with their young children. Interesting considering a British study found high levels of paternal involvement leads to higher marks and lower likelihood of a criminal record.

In far too many cultures though, masculinity is measured by ability to bring home the bacon rather than affection. It's believed real men should always be in control. Showing feeling is a sign of weakness.

For the Aka though, physical closeness is not only essential for baby, it's something that both parents take great joy in. Children are a blessing, not a burden and the affection both soothes the baby and brings energy to the parent.

When you think about it, is that so unmanly? To us, at least, it seems the Aka are not only some of the best dads, they're experiencing the best part of being a dad — spending time with your child.

In the Western world where our jobs often revolve around a nine-to-five schedule, matching the amount of time the Aka dad spends with his child isn't easy without jeopardizing your career.

In Central Africa, the Aka men and women share in the hunting and gathering. While men still dominate the traditional hierarchy of the tribe, their familial responsibilities are shared equally almost immediately after childbirth.The dads who make up this hunter-gatherer tribe from southwestern Central African... more

regjoeschmo
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Montreal dad got to hospital in time, but still delivered wife's baby himself

Is this a great health care or what? "A Montreal man got his wife to the Royal... more

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Brazilian judge suspends order to reunite American boy and father

Brazilian judge suspends order to reunite American boy and father Story Highlights... more

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Former CPS supervisor pleads guilty to falsifying a report

Lopez-Hess still may face jail time after a June 1 hearing. A former Child Protective... more

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It is time to re-examine what men can do when their children are involved.

The Texas attorney general’s office recently released its list of top child-support evaders, and there was something notable that was never mentioned.
It’s not called the list of deadbeat dads anymore. Of the top five worst evaders, two were women. Did you read any news stories on this?
I know I didn’t.
Granted, I’m more sensitive to this matter.
Until a few months ago, I was a single father with full custody of my son.
While this often made me an anomaly at school functions, soccer games and child birthday parties, it gave me a unique perspective on how this world treats men who want to be involved in their children’s lives.
Let’s just say it is not very positive.
When my son was taken from me across state lines, there was no help; certainly not from the law.
In the tradition of the American and Texan spirit, I went and got him on my own.
After we returned, I sought some assistance to get him in day care and make sure he had food.
Imagine my shock when a state-appointed worker told me that she would not help me with my child, but if the mother came in they would help her.
The last words out of her mouth stung in a way that I could not imagine.
"That boy needs to be with his mother," she said.
Eleven years ago, single dads were unusual. According to the last census, it is a quickly growing demographic. At last check, Texas had about 16,000 fathers who have sole custody of their children.
This leads to a few questions: Why haven’t we heard more about this? Why is a man who wants to have a relationship with his children looked upon as an awful thing?
From my experience, I have encountered hostility from women for my choice in life. It almost seems like my existence damages the myth that children are better off with their mothers. I won’t go as far as to say that there is an underground conspiracy to keep men from being active participants with their offspring, but there certainly is a one-sided perspective to the situation.
Being a single father has many obstacles. We have to work twice as hard just to get custody of our children. Even an unfit mother gets the benefit of the doubt.
Teachers, generally being female, want to talk to the mother when they call or when I go to open house.
I admit I do get a kick out of telling them I am the mother.
This isn’t to say that one parent is ever better than two, but maybe it is time to re-examine what men can do when their children are involved.
I am evidence that we can surprise you when given the chance.
Chris Taylor of Keller is a member of the Star-Telegram’s 2009 Community Columnist Panel. theraven1836@yahoo.comThe Texas attorney general’s office recently released its list of top child-support... more

MotherForTruth
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tagged w/ Fathers

Fathers 4 Justice: No jail for being a dad

Raising Children, Some Things Never Change | Gomestic

My Father's Business Cards

Soldier killed in Afghanistan re-enlisted to get health care coverage for family

"I Found Myself Completely Speechless" U People Story

Missing Boy Hidden in Grandma's Wall

Low Riders

TURKISH AMERICAN ORGANIZATIONS / with: DEEP GOVERNMENT CONNECTIONS:

A Soldier and Father Suicide Story

Mamas vs. Papas: Two gay couples fight over custody of child

Moms reveal why they gave up their children.

Law based on a social science research or ideology?

Obama Father's Day Message: Dads Need To Step Up

Daddy & Me

Another political prisoner in California

This Father's Day we want to give a shout-out to the Aka people.

Montreal dad got to hospital in time, but still delivered wife's baby himself

Brazilian judge suspends order to reunite American boy and father

Former CPS supervisor pleads guilty to falsifying a report

It is time to re-examine what men can do when their children are involved.

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