Spaceship // Current TV

Apple unveils "iLand": You're All Going to Die Here

Steve Jobs is building a 150 acre compound in Cupertino California to house his 12,000 iTroops for the coming Applegeddon, and there's precisely not a single damned thing that you or any god being to which you have pledged your eternal soul can do about it.

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing people that getting a discount by signing a two year contract agreement was ever a discount at all...

"iLand" as it will have come to be known to the scattered future rebels fighters of "iYear 41", has been presented to the Cupertino City Council as a new state of the art, environmentally friendly, self sufficient headquarters for Apple Inc. and in a city like Cupertino, where the only form of entertainment is sitting around and watching each other slowly die, this is surely spectacular news.

The plan is being welcomed with open arms by the Mayor, Gilbert Wong, who after being unplugged and booted up said in a statement that Cupertino is excited that Apple is moving forward with a new campus. "We know that we will be looking at a state-of-the-art facility and all the challenges and opportunities that go along with that," the Wong mark IV transmitted to media outlets via his built in wireless Airport card before once again powering down and being plugged back into the wall.

The Tron data disk shaped building sitting on 150 acres of land (that Emperor Jobs absorbed into his own essence after beheading Bill Hewlett and David Packard in a mountain top sword fight filled with lightning and magic) will be four stories tall, with an additional four floors of subterranean "parking" and will be able to generate it's own power. "I think what we're going to end up doing is making the energy center our primary source of power, because we can generate power with natural gas and other ways that can be cleaner and cheaper, and use the grid as our backup," Jobs said.

When asked why the Emperor chose to use air quotes when referring to the lower levels as "parking" he told the petulant upstart council member that he would "see for himself" before firing his Matter Disassembler eye beam iBeams, seemingly vaporizing the man in question and filling the otherwise silent council chambers with his thunderous, mirthless laughter.

"It's a little like a spaceship landed." Jobs joked about the proposed design to the council, eliciting a mandatory response of howling laughter from the remaining un-banished council members at the prodding of the Emperor's elite guard. Like a "spaceship" has "landed", why, such a notion couldn't be further from the truth! Spaceships are the thing of fantasy and children's stories. Sure, it has the look of a space craft from science fiction, but that's simply because the Emperor, in his limitless wisdom and flair for dramatic, poignant imagery has simply chosen a figure which represents the endless, seamless shape of the infinite, while at the same time, in employing a design with no corners he is emphasizing to his enemies that there are no corners where you can hide, no shadows to protect you from his all seeing gaze. Spaceship? That makes him laugh every time.

In fact, what the Jobs has here is not a vehicle in which to travel through space at all but instead a transdimentional focal singularity generator to bring space to him. It is a bridge, as it were, to all known realities, from which Emperor Jobs can launch his troops on endless conquests of the infinity of potential dimensional planes. And it certainly hasn't "landed", that's just preposterous. No, it's actually been there for decades. Only now as its construction has been completed in the "Void-Space" between dimensions will the new headquarters begin phasing into this plane of existence. See, nothing so fantastical as "a spaceship landed".

Plans are expected to be submitted to and approved by the Apple implanted iPoliticians on the Cupertino City Council by 2012 and iLand is expected to fully materialize on this plane of existence and be ready for stage seven of Apple's trans-galactic conquest operation by sometime in 2015.

Of course the new iLand 2, which will be 13% larger, only two stories thick and fully equipped with an extra 3.8 million cameras is expected to be completed six months later.

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For all of your rickety, windowless, primered comedy needs, visit:
vanfullofcandy.comSteve Jobs is building a 150 acre compound in Cupertino California to house his 12,000... more

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Alien Spaceships To Attack Earth In 2011

http://www.bigredkev.com/2011/02/alien-spaceships-to-attack-earth-in.html

Three giant alien spaceships are heading for Earth! Scientists predict they will arrive in early 2011. UFO encounters continue to increase – as documented on WWN. And today scientists at SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence), an independent non-commercial organization, made a major announcement:

“Three giant spaceships are heading towards Earth. The largest one of them is 200 miles wide. Two others are slightly smaller. At present, the objects are just moving past Jupiter. Judging by their speed, they should be on Earth by early 2011,” said John Malley, the lead extraterrestrial expert at SETI.

The spaceships were detected by HAARP search system. The system, based in Alaska, was designed to study the phenomenon of northern lights. According to SETI researchers, the objects are extraterrestrial spaceships. They will be visible in optical telescopes as soon as they reach Mars’s orbit – sometime in April of 2011. The US government has been reportedly informed about the event.

SETI researchers have spent fifty years monitoring space. Professor Malley said that they have conclusively proven that “we are just newcomers in this huge and unexplored world. Many believe that there are many other civilizations in space beside our own civilization.”

Wikileaks recenlty released many classified documents that prove that NASA and high-level U.S. official are aware of the three spaceships and are making plans to battle the spaceships. They have been concealing information from the U.S. public for decades. Wikileaks also confirms that the UFO sightings over the last three months prove that the alien invasions (long predicted by SETI) has begun. The three spaceships will mark the official beginning of the alien invasion.

Malley said that recently a Chinese official, Mao Kan, had obtained over than 1,000 secret NASA photographs depicting not only human footprints, but even a human carcass on the surface of the Moon. Some of the bones in the carcass were missing, the official said. The human corpse must have been dropped on the Moon from an alien spaceship, whereas the extraterrestrials kept some tissue samples for research.

Dr. Ken Johnston, former Manager of the Data and Photo Control Department at NASA’s Lunar Receiving Laboratory, said that US astronauts had found and photographed ancient ruins of artificial origin on the Moon. US astronauts had seen large unknown mechanisms on the Moon.

Both Johnston and Mao Kan agree that the alien spaceships are heading for Earth.

Beginning in March of 2011 the U.N. will begin preparing citizens of the world for the attack of the three spaceships – which are believed to come from Planet Zeeba.http://www.bigredkev.com/2011/02/alien-spaceships-to-attack-earth-in.html Three... more

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Yesterday's Delta IV-Heavy rocket launch: a personal impression

The first launch from SLC-6 took place on August 15, 1995, almost 30 years after it... more

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Three Extraterrestrial Spaceships Will Attack Earth In 2012?

Sensational statement is that, three giant spaceships are heading towards earth. The... more

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The Megastructures Where You'll Live in Space

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STARSHIPS to [ ' ' ' s c a l e ' ' ' ]

fast and easy one step comparative size graphic -ultimate_starship_chart.gif... more

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Spaceship’s Historic Maiden Solo Flight.

Virgin Galactic Releases Exclusive Footage of Spaceship’s Historic Maiden Solo Flight.

The world’s first commercial manned spaceship, VSS Enterprise, which is being developed by US space tourism company Virgin Galactic, achieved its first piloted free flight on 10th October 2010 in Mojave CA.

VSS Enterprise achieves manned free flight from over 45,000 ft (13,700 metres) and successfully glides to land at Mojave Air and Spaceport.

10th October 2010, Mojave, CA. Virgin Galactic, the US company developing the world’s first commercial manned space flight system and tourism business, is delighted to announce the successful completion today of the first piloted free flight of SpaceShipTwo, named the VSS Enterprise. The spaceship was released from its mothership at an altitude of 45,000 ft
(13,700 metres).

During its first flight the spaceship was piloted by Pete Siebold, assisted by Mike Alsbury as co-pilot. The two main goals of the flight were to carry out a clean release of the spaceship from its mothership and for the pilots to free fly and glide back and land at Mojave Air and Space Port in California.

Other detailed objectives of the flight were successfully completed, including; verification that all systems worked prior and following the clean release of Enterprise; initial evaluation of handling and stall characteristics; qualitative evaluation of stability and control of SS2 against predictions from design and simulation work; verification of performance by evaluating the lift-to-drag ratio of the spaceship during glide flight; practice a landing approach at altitude and finally descend and land.

Preparations for the milestone flight were extensive. The WhiteKnightTwo mothership (Eve) flew 40 times including 4 captive carry flights of spaceship and mothership mated together. The most recent captive carry was on Sept 30th. The most recent solo flight was on October 5th and demonstrated that all the systems required for a free flight by the VSS Enterprise were functioning correctly without any safety issues. Commenting on the successful flight Scaled Composites pilot, Pete Siebold, said “The VSS Enterprise was a real joy to fly, especially when one considers the fact that the vehicle has been designed not only to be a Mach 3.5 spaceship capable of going into space but also one of the worlds highest altitude gliders.”

Sir Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Group, who was present during the first successful flight, added “This was one of the most exciting days in the whole history of Virgin. For the first time since we seriously began the project in 2004, I watched the world’s first manned commercial spaceship landing on the runway at Mojave Air and Space Port and it was a great moment. Now, the sky is no longer the limit and we will begin the process of pushing beyond to the final frontier of space itself over the next year.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDUVe3a496Y

http://www.virgingalactic.com/Virgin Galactic Releases Exclusive Footage of Spaceship’s Historic Maiden Solo... more