tagged w/ The Stupid Times
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Tickets are expected to cost at least $100 and with jobs haemorrhaging from the economy, most credit cards withdrawn and the average American now living off an annual income equal to the cost of The Edge’s sunglasses, there is widespread concern that normal music fans won’t be able to afford to go.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/03/obama-pitches-new-stimulus-package-to.htmlTickets are expected to cost at least $100 and with jobs haemorrhaging from the... more
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UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown arrives in Washington D.C. today with a plan to be the first European leader to lick President Obama's arse.
Although Japanese premier Taro Aso will have already left the new President's ringpiece as clean as a whistle, Brown will hope that the meeting today will cement the special relationship that has existed between Britain and the USA since World War II.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/03/brown-noser-brown-to-insert-tongue-into.htmlUK Prime Minister Gordon Brown arrives in Washington D.C. today with a plan to be the... more
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The Mayor of Vancouver in Washington State, which is near Mount St Helens, was upbeat about the idea. "Our town's economy is in deep shit," said Royce Pollard. "But all these people will need a last meal and maybe a beer before they get burnt alive to keep the unemployment statistics low. Well, here in Vancouver we would like to extend an all American welcome on their way under the rug."
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/gop-announce-plan-to-dump-unemployed-in.htmlThe Mayor of Vancouver in Washington State, which is near Mount St Helens, was upbeat... more
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After 46 straight hours of debate state legislators finally passed a budget last week that will halve the deficit of $40 billion by June 2010. But the Governor has now pledged to donate his fee for ‘Terminator 4 – Gay Love Behind Bars’ and a cut of the box office takings to prevent further public sector workers across the state getting the boot.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/terminator-to-ride-to-rescue-of.htmlAfter 46 straight hours of debate state legislators finally passed a budget last week... more
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Discussion over regulation for financial markets were postponed as the group watched Sky TV's live coverage of the wedding on Sunday afternoon and cheered and clapped when her fiance, convicted thug Jack Tweedy, was driven to the church dressed in a bra and knickers.
Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi was comforted by his Czech opposite number Mirek Topolanek when the emotion became too much for him as he watched terminally ill Goody's car arrive at Down Hall in Essex...
This isn't an attack on a woman with cancer - this is an attack on the media's obsession with trivia and celebrity.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/eu-leaders-put-finance-talks-on-hold.htmlDiscussion over regulation for financial markets were postponed as the group watched... more
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According to witnesses, the fight started during a party hosted by the British consul-general after Schultz refused to retract his comments. Mandelson smashed his glass at the Starbucks supremo’s feet and threw a round house kick at him, breaking his nose. Caught off guard, Shultz sprang back, parried Mandelson across the room, twisted to deflect a sucker punch and then pushed him face first into the buffet, scattering canapés and petit fours over the floor.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/mandelson-and-starbucks-chief-in-street.htmlAccording to witnesses, the fight started during a party hosted by the British... more
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New proposals to take powers from central and regional government give it to local councillors will be published today. David Cameron wants a "fundamental shift of power and money" to retired colonels, eccentric loners, people with too much time on their hands, and septuagenarian women called Marjory or Doris.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/tories-promise-more-power-to-busybodies.htmlNew proposals to take powers from central and regional government give it to local... more
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Money men from the US, Italy, France, UK, Germany, Japan and Canada announced the radical proposals after three days of clueless exchanges on how to tackle the financial crisis. The ministers are now confident that people around the world will follow their lead and start to pay-off their new 168 inch plasma TV and third new kitchen of the year.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/g7-finance-chiefs-vow-to-slash-plastic.htmlMoney men from the US, Italy, France, UK, Germany, Japan and Canada announced the... more
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The Stupid Times has learned the new Obama administration is to move diplomatic meetings out of the Oval Office and onto his new White House basketball court.
The President sees shooting hoops with foreign leaders as providing further evidence to the American people that he will be bringing true change to Washington.
He is now planning to mark the opening of his court, built below the West Wing, with a round robin tournament containing five groups; the Americas, Europe, The Commies, the Sub Continent and the Middle East.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/obama-shooting-hoops-to-bring-world.htmlThe Stupid Times has learned the new Obama administration is to move diplomatic... more
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The space smash occurred when the American probe came whizzing round a sharp bend and ploughed into the back of the Russian satellite sitting 500 miles above Siberia. Scientists in the East and West are now locked in heated exchanges that will ultimately lead to one party being forced to give up their no claims bonus.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/shit-satellites-crash-and-cause-shit.htmlThe space smash occurred when the American probe came whizzing round a sharp bend and... more
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At around 1pm he will settle down to lunch with his beloved grandfather Prince Phillip and they will, as is usual for their meetings, put on a tape of the infamous Black and White Minstrel Show. This racially dubious TV program, which was hugely popular in the 1970s but really isn't appropriate now, is a favourite of the two royals and they put it on whenever the Queen or Prince Charles are out.
However, instead of laughing and joking and pulling faces to imitate the hapless characters, Prince Phillip has been instructed to explain to Harry for the first time that the men with the black faces aren't really black, and that this sort of thing just isn't acceptable in the modern world.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/prince-harry-to-be-told-truth-about.htmlAt around 1pm he will settle down to lunch with his beloved grandfather Prince Phillip... more
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With Livni's ruling Kadima party on 28 seats and the opposition Likud party on 27, President Shimon Peres has a difficult task in deciding with type of intransigence should be given the leadership role in the new government. There is also the issue of which paranoid, extremist right-wing parties should be allowed into the Cabinet room, and how to stop them mounting a campaign to destroy Palestinian schools once they are there.
Kadima on one hand have pledged to continue bombing Gaza until everyone is dead or displaced except Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal and his pet goat, Steve. Likud's policy differs in that they want to bomb Gaza until all are dead, including Steve.
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/following-tied-israeli-elections-both.htmlWith Livni's ruling Kadima party on 28 seats and the opposition Likud party on... more
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This satire story is saying that Mugabe is not really going to respect the deal that he has himself made. The brave MDC will suffer more violence in order to save the country:
"During a relentless seven hour ceremony Mr Tvangirai was administered the oath of office hanging upside down with electrodes attached to his testicles, while 21 year old Zanu PF 'war veterans' beat him with sticks and knotted rope.
Mr Tsvangirai and his Movement for Democratic Change (MDC) party won the first round of last year's presidential election - but he withdrew from the run-off campaign, citing a sore back, knees, arms, head, face, fingers, shoulders, feet, eyeballs and groin."
http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/tsvangirai-broken-in-as-zimbabwes-pm.htmlThis satire story is saying that Mugabe is not really going to respect the deal that... more
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The White House press corps has been accused of rolling over and asking Barack Obama to tickle their tummies at his first national press conference.
The new President was expected to receive a grilling on his botched attempts to get relatives of Al Capone into his cabinet and an eight year supply of dog food into his stimulus plan. But hacks instead decided to interrogate Obama on matters such as what his favourite colour is and whether, if he was an animal, he would prefer to be a lion or a tiger.
This is satire, read more here: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/white-house-reporters-promise.htmlThe White House press corps has been accused of rolling over and asking Barack Obama... more
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Goodwin's failure to deliver the Mail on Sunday for three weeks running in May 2008 meant that Brown was unaware of the full effect of the housing crash on the middle classes of Surrey. The lack of the Daily Sport during August also meant he missed out on the juicy gossip as Big Brother 10 reached its climax, and he suspects Goodwin of taking the tit-filled rags home with him after his round.
This is satire: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/brown-very-angry-over-bonus-paid-to.htmlGoodwin's failure to deliver the Mail on Sunday for three weeks running in May... more
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Movie fans were stunned to see Angelina Jolie turn on hubby Brad Pitt and call him a “fucking moron” for insisting they attend the ceremony despite having zero chance of winning. The sultry star went on to publicly accuse her partner of being deluded about his acting abilities and saying he looked like a real gay boy with his new moustache.
This is satire: http://thestupidtimes.blogspot.com/2009/02/angelina-jolie-turns-air-blue-at-baftas.htmlMovie fans were stunned to see Angelina Jolie turn on hubby Brad Pitt and call him a... more
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