tagged w/ excessive
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“Get these monkey fightin’ lesbians off this Monday through Friday plane!”
The greatest threat to American air travel, right now, as I am typing this very important piece of internet fluffery, is not exploding shoes, or slightly larger than tiny bottles of shampoo, or the stinky guy. No, commercial air travel enemy number one, is lady kisses!
Now, you and I, being people of a reasonable nature who exist in a world where things happen, have likely seen a lesbian before, whether we like it or REALLY like it. We, being human animals with the ability to move our heads a not unreasonable degree (I mean, not like, owl levels or anything, that’s crazy and unreasonable, let’s not get all fantastical now gentle reader) and have a fair working knowledge of what it is that we prefer to bear witness too and what it is that we simply will not linger upon, no matter how pant tighteningly hot it is. And while the majority of us do not own aero-planes, dirigibles or any other manner of flying machine, we do own something, be it a mode of transportation or posession otherwise, that we likely would not clutch fearfully to our chest sobbing uncontrollably simply because a lesbian happened to be lesbianing in, on or near to it.
But then, I guess that’s what makes us different from Southwest Airlines.
It seems a lady (to call her a “celebrity” would be KIND of stretching it. She’s known, more than I am, sure, but “celebrity”? meh) kissed another lady while in mid air and that caused quite a stir, and not just the trousery kind that that sort of exchange usually engenders. It seems as little as one flight attendant and as many as one flight attendant and “several” passengers were unable or unwilling to employ their neck muscles to avoid the horrible, ghastly sight of two sets of soft, warm lips, coming together in a loving face embrace IN FRONT OF GOD AND EVERYONE!
This interaction prompted a talking to by Southwest staff and resulted in these filthy consenting adults being thrown from the plane upon its landing. Which is a confusing part of the story to me, perhaps because I don’t do a lot of plane flighting, what what with my uncanny power of unaided human flight (a direct result of my prolonged exposure to your planet’s yellow sun) but I always thought that once a plane had landed, it wasn’t strictly necessary to escort someone from it, as, unless they planned on paying rent, that was the entire purpose of a plane’s landing, so that one could then disembark and continue on toward the destination that the plane flight had aided in expediting. So it just seems that escorting someone from a plane after it lands is just kind of a dick move. Is there a fear that, without the forceful prodding of Southwest employees these two lady pervs would continue to face slam one another willy nilly, further endangering all of those around them to varying levels of arousal depending upon their personal proclivity?
I get that people have personal tastes and beliefs and dislikes and prejudices. I understand. I myself can’t stand to see people. But when I see one or more of these “people” doing anything ever I don’t immediately tell them to stop doing it because I don’t like that I’m able to see them doing it. I don’t ask the nearest other person that I don’t like to stop the activity of two people who have absolutely nothing to do with me simply because what they’re doing is visible. So why should anyone, in this dazzling age of spinal rotation, be so offended by something that they have to actively look at, when the other 340 degrees of potential visible landscape would likely offer unto them something that even their hateful little minds would find inoffensive?
I guess just the fact that they would KNOW that someone was in some way happy near them would just be too much. And the only thing that gets THEM hard, is interfering in the happiness of others. So thanks for ruining it for the rest of the passengers, haters of sexy things. Now I’m going to have to jerk off to the over priced electronics gadgets and lemon bar recipes in the in flight publications… again…
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For all your rickety, primered, windowless comedy needs, visit:
http://vanfullofcandy.com“Get these monkey fightin’ lesbians off this Monday through Friday... more
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This video is a comment on excess, queer trauma, kidnapping and voyeurism to name a few. We were inspired by Erykah Badu's video for Window Seat. More people need to start bearing their bodies in public.
Featuring in order of appearance: Reivin Johnson OC'11
Hunter O'Neill OC'11
Syrea Thomas OC'11This video is a comment on excess, queer trauma, kidnapping and voyeurism to name a... more
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David Spates talks about and shows a story he saw of Police Brutality at the University of Maryland. A Student ,John McKenna, 22 is Beat Up by police after After Duke basketball Game & Cops Try To Cover it Up. Check out David's many other sketch comedy and vlog videos on his youtube page "LaughAndPeeAlittle"David Spates talks about and shows a story he saw of Police Brutality at the... more
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LOUISVILLE, KY (AP) - A federal judge has ruled there was jury misconduct in a civil case brought against Louisville police by the estate of a man who died after being shocked with a Taser.
U.S. District Judge John G. Heyburn II ruled Thursday that jurors researching information about Tasers on the Internet could have affected the panel's inability to reach a verdict on whether officer Michael Campbell should have any liability in the death of Larry Noles.
Heyburn upheld the verdict clearing Officer Matthew Metzler of liability in the death, saying he did not fire his Taser at Noles during the 2006 arrest.
Noles' estate sued police after his death claiming officers deprived Noles of his civil rights by using excessive force to take him into custody.
Heyburn set Campbell's retrial for February.LOUISVILLE, KY (AP) - A federal judge has ruled there was jury misconduct in a civil... more
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The network news media cheered when Obama called for restrictions on CEO pay or bonuses that, according to reporters, exemplify the Wall Street “greed” that toppled the American economy.
But when $42 million in cash compensation packages were announced on Christmas Eve for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac executives, the networks couldn’t muster any anger toward the highly connected groups. Although Fannie and Freddie were two government-sponsored enterprises whose excessive risk taking contributed significantly to the housing crisis, the networks barely reported the story at all.The network news media cheered when Obama called for restrictions on CEO pay or... more
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The end of 2009 is near, so it is time to look back at the weather events that highlighted each month.The end of 2009 is near, so it is time to look back at the weather events that... more
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It begins..
"When I shop, I become a fierce, focused creature who does not like to be disturbed by ANYONE. When a friend asks me if I’d like to go shopping, I always try to weasel out of it. I don’t want to be interrupted with questions about HER dress or what I think about how HER shoes look on HER feet. I need to focus on the sale racks, sizes—my eyes rapidly scanning for deals without any deterrent.
I love shopping. There are many women who detest it and only go when they have to find an outfit for an occasion. I adore just heading out and perusing the boutiques seeing what I can drool over and store in my mind for when the sales come. I love the air-conditioned rooms, the music the they play, the pang in my heart when I see a tag with a red slash through it. I am a hunter and clothes are my prey….."
Read on…it’s HILARIOUS! Great pictures (Kate Moss in lingerie….how can you beat that……..) and it’s a witty, well-written quick-read.
Blogger has an amazingly eclectic site with everything from beauty, fashion, diary style entries, poetry, life in the magazine world----this girl has everything. Already winner of the prestigious “Blog Of The Day Award” (some people take years to earn this—she’s only had her blog up 3 months!) and on top level blog rolls of awesome bloggers, this girl is amazing. A+++++It begins..
"When I shop, I become a fierce, focused creature who does not... more
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jrn
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added this
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3 years ago
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