tagged w/ tiger blood
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Charlie Sheen has been revitalized with extra doses of Tiger Blood and is ready to show the world he’s back and better than ever when he offers himself up as fodder for Monday’s Comedy Central Roast. In this funny and self-deprecating promotional video, Sheen appears with his famous dad, Martin Sheen, in a parody of the elder’s famous role in the classic film “Apocalypse Now.”
http://veracitystew.com/2011/09/16/sheenpocalypse-now-here-comes-the-crazy-train-video/Charlie Sheen has been revitalized with extra doses of Tiger Blood and is ready to... more
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"The bad news: the baby seal hunting season has begun off the coast of Newfoundland. The good news: they're using a more humane technique. They're shaking the baby seals instead of clubbing them." Chris Martin joins People for the Ethical Treatment of Stand-up Comedians at the 9:55 Comedy Club's open mic May 2, 2011. Joshua Saucier is the MC.
http://www.chrismartincomedy.com"The bad news: the baby seal hunting season has begun off the coast of... more
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"The Pillsbury Dough Boy celebrated his fifty-first birthday. Sadly, he never recovered from his molestation at the hands of the Michelin Man." Stand-up comedian Chris Martin deflates brands April 27, 2011 at McCormack's Irish Pub in Richmond, VA. Joe Hafkey is MC.
http://chrismartincomedy.com"The Pillsbury Dough Boy celebrated his fifty-first birthday. Sadly, he never... more
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"Bad news: Japan glows in the dark. Good news: Sarah Palin can now see two countries from her porch." Stand-up comedian Chris Martin goes Gilbert Gottfried April 19, 2011 at Strange Matter in Richmond, VA. John Reaves is the MC.
http://chrismartincomedy.com"Bad news: Japan glows in the dark. Good news: Sarah Palin can now see two... more
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"Charlie Sheen has a nationwide tour called 'The Violent Torpedo of Truth.' Curiously, that was also my porn name." Stand-up comedian Chris Martin reveals a sordid secret April 4, 2011 at the 9:55 Comedy Club open mic in Richmond, VA. Ray Bullock is the MC.
http://chrismartincomedy.com"Charlie Sheen has a nationwide tour called 'The Violent Torpedo of... more
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"The only way Charlie Sheen's tour could be more over the top: if he had tag-team wrestling between Zsa Zsa Gabor and Anthony Robles. I knew that joke didn't have a leg to stand on." Stand-up comedian Chris Martin gets off on the wrong foot March 23, 2011 at McCormack's Irish Pub in Richmond, VA. Jesse Jarvis is the MC.
http://ChrisMartinComedy.com"The only way Charlie Sheen's tour could be more over the top: if he had... more
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The Charlie Sheen madness continues as the actor was yesterday caught on camera waving a machete and drinking "Tiger Blood" in a rooftop stunt at events company Live Nation's HQ in Los Angeles. The 45-year-old actor yelled "free at last" while ranting over his sacking from hit sitcom Two And A Half Men.
Only a few hours later he went online making violent drunken threats on his self-produced web series Torpedoes Of Truth whilst on the phone to an associate.In the threatening rant he said: "I'm gonna write my sermons, I'm gonna deliver them like truth torpedoes, and people are gonna f****** take it or leave it, we know they're gonna take it 'cause they can't process it, so they must condemn it."And if they can't condemn it, they'll like f****** turn me into a God and worship it, and realise I'm behind them, cutting their throats, and their children's..."The Charlie Sheen madness continues as the actor was yesterday caught on camera waving... more
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Full House, the TGIF sitcom so indelibly etched into the walls of my brain as a youth, will be remembered for many things. The Olsen Twins, John Stamos’ hair and an anal-retentive clean freak for a father, Danny Tanner, portrayed with precision by comedian Bob Saget.
But if the ’80s sitcom is your only memory of The Sag, you might be in for quite a shock.
Laughs will be aplenty, but this won’t be your grandma’s favorite standup act (or will it?).
Full interview, and details below, including The Rabid One getting roasted yet again!
http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/2011/03/07/i-wont-purposely-drink-tiger-blood-to-reinvent-myself-rabid-nick-interviews-comedian-and-80s-icon-bob-saget-prior-to-his-show-march-13th-at-the-hard-rock-wnsfw-video/Full House, the TGIF sitcom so indelibly etched into the walls of my brain as a youth,... more
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This is an honest to god open letter to Charlie Sheen. If anyone reading this knows how to get it in front of Guru Sheen, I beg of you, please do. I will do anything, ANYthing, to have this make it into the hands of my new hero so that we can hang all night in our aura of epic that only we two truly understand... Seriously, anything...
I've heard a lot of guff lately about the mental state and health of star of stage and screen, one Mr. Charles Sheen. The man has been hounded by questions of his sanity and his sobriety. People think he's lost it, that the man is rocketing down a road of self destruction on his way to utter collapse and personal, professional and physical ruin. People are talking about how sorry they feel for Charlie Sheen.
But, see, you don't get it: Charlie Sheen feels sorry for YOU.
Can you honestly say that you feel sorry for a man who can walk away from a job that pays him two million dollars an episode to play a toned down version of himself and then without batting a fucking eye say that, sure, he'll come back, but now you've gotta pay him three? And know that he means every fucking breath of it. You think that's losing? Charlie Sheen will tell you to your simple little face that that's winning. And I for one believe him. I would be foolish not to.
See, for too long, the exceptional have had to hide their superiority, to be humble and quiet in their personal knowledge of their uniqueness. The special have been forced to pretend that they're just like everyone else to sell the normal people the idea that they could ever be special too. But once in a great while, a special person will throw off the guise of normal, relatable, humble every man and show you exactly how wrong you are to think that you could ever be like them. And that scares the shit out of the general public. They call that person crazy and narcissistic and dangerously addicted to drugs, alcohol and sex. I call those people jealous of seeing someone capable of owning the life that they all secretly wish could be theirs.
You see Charlie, I get it. We're kindred spirits, you and I. In the old days two people such as us would meet on a mountain top and do battle with lightning and magic and the Earth would quake, knowing that it was witnessing the only thing greater than itself and that it's continued existence was predicated entirely upon our whims at that moment. And the people would fear us, as much for what we do as for what we did not do.
But how do I, you may ask? How do I get it? How is it possible for my normal brain to ever claim to understand someone like Charlie Sheen? Someone utterly incomprehensible to those lower life forms? Because I'm not a sad normal brain like the rest of them Charlie. I am, in point of fact, a certified DOUBLE GENIUS. Shit yeah that's what I said. But, certified by who you might ask. By myself of course, because how could I expect any of these normals to even begin to comprehend this?
We're like two super sonic sub marines, tearin' ass through the sky at a thousand miles an hour and people see us and they don't comprehend how something so awesome and impossible could even exist. Then it dawns on them bro, they suddenly see clearly for the first time in their sad existence and see us for the bright bolt of light that we are and through their tears they wonder how they lived so long without knowing something like this could even exist. And it's because they've been told that mediocrity is something to be sought after. A goal to be achieved. Nothing makes me sadder than seeing mediocrity being striven for, except maybe for a plate full of uneaten prostitute.
I understand that what you are putting out now is not anger, but passionate. I didn't get it before. I didn't understand that that was what was boiling over in my own samurai eagle heart. I thought I was angry, but that wasn't it. If I was angry at anything it was with the world for not living up to our own personally standards. But now I understand that this pit of poison tipped rat vampires is only here to keep me from flying like the rocket propelled, birthday cake scented power monkey that I truly am!
You see, I woke up this morning with a helicopter hovering over my building. I go outside for my morning jog, look up in the sky and give the pilot the high sign and when I get back, it's fuckin' gone. Coincidence? There's no such thing as coincidence man. They were there to make sure I was still alive, that's it. Because the world needs me. I can't even say any of my ideas out loud anymore bro, because when I do, the next day somebody's making a million dollars on the easy little shit I say before my morning tea. So now I keep my genius locked away in a box labeled "not genius" and they're not looking there because really, what that comes from me could ever not be genius, right? See it doesn't make sense, and that's what I'm counting on!
I want to hang with you Charlie. Beyond the fire and lightning that our meeting would call down from the halls of the gods of exceptionalism, I'm also selfishly thinking of my own self preservation. When I would put on my medical forms that my blood type was "Tiger Positive" the doctors would look at me with their stupid little questions in their eyes. But now I know that if something were ever to happen to me that there's someone I can go to for a blood transfusion who would be able to handle it without my own blood kicking back into their body and devouring what was left of their unused soul. But until it becomes imperative for our unique physiology to preserve the last of our kind, we can just get together some Tuesday afternoon, each draw a little blood and have it fight, we can put that shit on Pay Per View and solve world hunger brother.
In closing, I want to make sure you know that I am absolutely serious right now when I say that if this somehow gets back to you Charlie, I want to hang with you. I want to finally feel free around someone who gets it! Give me a call Charlie, let's be besties, because I am not mocking you, I get you, more than anyone else, I recognize your specialness and I fucking love it bro.
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And for all of your rickety, windowless, primered comedy needs:
http://vanfullofcandy.comThis is an honest to god open letter to Charlie Sheen. If anyone reading this knows... more
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