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5 hours ago

You're Driving Me Crazy!

So often it's the pettiest problems that tear couples apart. How small irritants become big issues—and what to do about... more

jennyschu
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5 Tips To Boost Your Love Life

1. Abundance, or wealth-consciousness.
Anaїs Nin once said, "We do not see the world as it is; we see the world as we are." Thus you have the choice to see the world with a lens of wealth-consciousness or poverty-consciousness. Do you see scarcity, lack and limitation around you, or wealth, possibility and abundance?
The mindset you choose bears directly upon the success of your love life (and your success in general). Scarcity-consciousness - e.g. "all the good ones are taken" - begets neediness, and neediness is not attractive.
Big-heartedness and self-sufficiency, on the other hand, work much better. Even the Bible has something to say about that: "For he that hath, to him shall be given: and he that hath not, from him shall be taken away even that which he hath."
Seems kind of mean, but it's just the way of the world: wealth begets wealth. So even if you don't have a companion, act as if there is an unlimited supply of what you want available to you already.
And you know what? There is. Because even if only one thousandth of one percent of the 6.5 billion people in this world are cool enough to be eligible for your companionship, that's, oh, 65,000 folks. That's enough dates to tide you over for a whole month.
2. Enlightened self-interest.

This one has three words in it. 'Enlightened' means that you make decisions by considering the long-term consequences of your actions. Short-sighted decisions - e.g. "I know he's a bad boy, but it'll be so much fun" - usually end in tears and/or heartbreak.
'Self' means that your welfare takes priority, just like in the pre-flight announcement where they say put on your own oxygen mask first, then help others in the case of an emergency. To be able to take care of anyone else, you need to take care of you first. Simple, totally non-negotiable, and often neglected.
'Interest' means that you're signing up for your fulfillment and joy, not your pain. If a relationship is making you miserable and unhappy - like that of my friend Holly who was being put down and punched up by the man she was supporting financially - consider ending it. Because fulfillment is a feeling, not a person. So if you're not getting fulfilling feelings in a relationship, chances are you're with the wrong person.
3. The Be-Do-Have paradigm (vs. Have-Do-Be).
Many people think like this: "If I have a great partner, then I can do the things that people with partners do, and then I can be happy." That's actually the dog wagging the tail. The proper sequence is: "If I am a happy, self-sufficient, generous and charming person, then I will have a great life and do things that feel good and make me attractive, and then, as a pleasant side-effect, will have fabulous companions who are naturally attracted to my life."
Successful change begins at the level of identity and belief, so first, be the kind of person you want to be. From the right beliefs will flow the right actions, or te (the middle word from Tao Te Ching) naturally and effortlessly, from which will come right results.
4. Yin-Yang (Feminine-Masculine) Polarity
The Taoists say that two poles are necessary for energy to flow: the receptive or feminine yin and the projecting or masculine yang. We see this in nature: water runs from high to low; electricity flows between cathode and anode; magnetic force goes between north and south poles.
This is especially true of human relations. Without polarity, relationships fall flat, whether in heterosexual or same-sex couples: someone has to wear the pants.
As a man, if you take on too much yin, you risk turning into an indecisive wimp, which is not necessarily appealing to women. Having an open heart is great; just remember to keep your spine also.
As a woman, if you take on too much yang, you risk turning into a facsimile of a guy, which may be admirable but not necessarily attractive. Strength is great, but remember that femininity is what draws in the masculine.
5. Get out of your own way.1. Abundance, or wealth-consciousness. Anaїs Nin once said, "We do not see the world as it is; we see the world as we... more

singrrr
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10 hours ago

How To Reel Her In (Part 2)

You got her NUMBER. Now get HER! --- HOW TO REEL HER IN (Part 2)

prestonswagger
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1 day ago

Pre-Stained Pants: Would You Pay for Skidmarks?

A Canadian (I've never understood their humour) entrepreneur is selling pre-stained underwear that he says are sure to be a... more

burukku16
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6 responses

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2 days ago

Ask-A-Guy - What Do I Do Now?

Things seemed to be going well up until this. Now what???

prestonswagger
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2 days ago

15 Tops Tips For Young Women

The top 15 tips women would love to step back in time and give to their younger selves.

citywendy
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4 responses

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3 days ago

How To Reel Her In...

You got her phone number. Here's how to finish the job...

prestonswagger
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1 response

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8 days ago

What counts as 'sex'?

Define sex, because apparently there's some disagreement on what, exactly, counts as "having sex". Beyond the... more

abbym0308
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22 responses

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9 days ago

How To Have Casual Sex

Pop culture blog Pop Waffle gives Current a quirky, animated do's & don'ts on the subject of friends with benefits,... more

PopWaffle
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16 responses

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9 days ago

Zen and the Art of Falling in Love

A look at how being zen can help you fall in love

justvisiting
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3 responses

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9 days ago

Astro Twins Predict Your Love Life

Identical twin sisters Tali and Ophira Edut-- known as The AstroTwins -- are professional astrologers with over 15 years... more

justvisiting
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1 response

added
8 days ago

Hot or not? Ladies less likely to agree

Thin and seductive, that's what men find attractive in women. But the ladies are less in agreement over what makes for a hot guy, new research finds.

The news is good for guys who might think they're not the hottest hunks. But it also means more competition for the hottest women, scientists say.

"Men agree a lot more about who they find attractive and unattractive than women agree about who they find attractive and unattractive," said study researcher Dustin Wood, assistant professor of psychology at Wake Forest University in North Carolina. The study included more than 1,300 heterosexual men, about 2,700 heterosexual women, about 125 homosexual men and about the same number of homosexual women. The average age of participants was about 28 years old, and ranged from 18 to more than 70.

Participants each rated nearly 100 photographs of either men or women, depending on the participant's gender and sexual orientation. They scored how attractive they found each photographed individual on a 10-point scale from "not at all" to "very" attractive.

Previously, the researchers had judged each of the photos for various factors of attractiveness, including how seductive, confident, thin, sensitive, stylish, curvaceous (women), muscular (men), traditional, masculine/feminine, classy, well-groomed, or upbeat the person in the image looked.
What men want
Despite another recent study that found modern men are more interested in intelligent, educated women than in decades past, in the new study men tended to base their attractiveness ratings on women's physical features, giving stellar marks to those who looked thin and seductive. Most of the men in the study also rated photographs of women who looked confident as more attractive.

What women want
Women showed some preference for thin, muscular men. But they also disagreed over the hotness factor of many men, with some women giving a guy high attractiveness ratings while others scored the same guy as not attractive at all.

Do men actually agree more on what makes a person attractive or was there something about the photos that caused men to rate them in certain ways? To figure this out, the researchers turned to the homosexual ratings. Sure enough, gay men showed a greater consensus about attractiveness levels of photos of men than did straight women of those same photos.

And straight men also showed more consensus than lesbians in terms of attractiveness ratings of the photos of women.

The results, published in the June issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, have implications for the dating scene.

For instance, with varying ideas of which men are attractive, women may face less competition from other women on the prowl. Men, on the other hand, might face stiff competition from other guys who all have eyes for the same handful of potential mates. Men, therefore, may need to invest more time and energy into attracting and guarding their mates from other potential suitors, the researchers said.

Oh, and they do: After eons of evolution, men are hardwired to overspend and max out credit cards to attract mates, a study last year concluded.Thin and seductive, that's what men find attractive in women. But the ladies are less in agreement over what makes for a hot... more

singrrr
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9 responses

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8 days ago

Do You REALLY Want To Hear It?

Ladies, can you really get up set if I told you UP FRONT???

prestonswagger
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5 responses

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10 days ago

What do you do if your significant other becomes a smoker?

My boyfriend just came back from a semester abroad in Paris -- and he came back a smoker. I am not a smoker. Never have been, never will be. I couldn't smoke during high school as I was dancing professionally for an opera company, and by the time I got to college it just didn't seem like a big deal anymore.

Smoking has just never really been on my radar; I know it's bad for you, obviously, but I don't feel the need to go protest outside Phillip Morris.

I've never dated a smoker because I never liked a guy who did smoke. I am not sure if it's because I don't like smokers, or none of the guys I was into happened to smoke, or if there is any difference between the two. Maybe if they had smoked I wouldn't have been attracted? Impossible to know. All of that has changed now.

My boyfriend and I are living together for the first time -- with my parents in a New York City apartment, so it was going to be an interesting summer no matter what.

When I went to visit him in Paris he had started smoking, but only occasionally and he said it was just a Paris thing, he wouldn't do it once he came home. He told me about the cultural significance, how it helped him make friends, and he only smoked one cigarette a few days a week anyway. No biggie.

I didn't like it back then, but I was in Paris and I was in love. Think of every cliche of young love in the Parisian springtime. We probably made onlookers want to vomit quiche, but I was too happy to care. I didn't want to rock the boat and ruin our Hollywood moment. At first I said that as long I didn't see him smoking and he promised to quit before he came home, I could deal with it for the moment. I soon amended the rules to include not kissing until he brushed his teeth. Eventually he was smoking in front of me, but I told myself he was just living a Parisian fantasy. Now that he's home, that excuse doesn't work as well.
The question now is what do I do? I've realized that I would never start a relationship with a smoker. It's a disgusting habit that kills you. I won't bore you with the millions of ways smoking destroys your body, because you probably know them already.

The point is, my boyfriend wasn't a smoker when we started dating. Now he is. I was not prepared for this scenario. I know smokers are made, not born, but I never thought my boyfriend would become a smoker mid-relationship. I never imagined that a boyfriend would become a smoker in his mid-20s. He doesn't have the same excuse previous generations do; the cigarette companies lied so people truly didn't know smoking was bad for them. Well, everyone knows now, which is why I just can't comprehend why he would start.
Smoking doesn't just effect the smoker. Anyone heard of second hand smoke? That's not what actually really gets me fuming. What gets me is that this perfectly healthy man is destroying his body! Admittedly, I have a case of bitter lemons. I could legitimately pass my anger off on that the fact that if we make it through this he is shortening our time on the planet together (no rocking chair or early bird specials for him) or that I am not particularly looking forward to being at his bedside as he dies from lung cancer. These are all reasons I am upset, but I am also jealous. Not about the smoking part. I maintain that is gross. My specific problem is that I envy his health. I have a serious auto-immune disease. I was even in remission for a few years. It doesn't really matter so much now, since with a daily load of medicine that would knock out an elephant, I am fine. I come to work every day, run at nights, hangout with friends on the weekends, the usual. Most of the time I feel fine, and with selective memory it is easy to ignore the constant doctors appointments and blood tests.

After some really rough years, my body is strong and I am stronger. But it is the memories of the pain, the hospital, the procedures, that makes his choice to smoke particularly offensive to me.My boyfriend just came back from a semester abroad in Paris -- and he came back a smoker. I am not a smoker. Never have been,... more

singrrr
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4 responses

added
10 days ago

Advice For A Lady Pimp

Our Ask-A-Guy feature this week was a nice change of pace. A lady juggling men...

prestonswagger
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5 responses

added
14 days ago

She's Just Not That Into You

This is a story of Boy Meets Girl…of the fabulous start to a More-Than-Just-Friendship…of Girl’s gift for soul-searching, Boy’s need for soul-mating…and the inevitable heartbreaking ending. It’s a simple story that you’ll recognize instantly if you’ve ever been its male lead: if you’ve ever loved a lovely girl who lost that loving feeling. I tell it not to taunt you, Boy, but to reveal your error and to spare your kin. For it’s not that “she’s not that into you.” It’s just that she’s that into everyone.
[ The Story ]
1.
Boy meets Girl where boys meet girls: online, in a bar, at the gym, through a friend. He finds her cute, but it’s not love at first sight. No. It’s love at first conversation.
Boy takes Girl out, or calls her up—and just like that, they start to talk. And talk. And talk. The place shuts down, the park clears out, and still they’re talking. It’s almost like they’re doing a dance, flowing seamlessly from this to that: his parents, his friends, his ex’s, sex, his job, his dreams, his insecurities.
Hours slip by. Confessions slip out. Boy hasn’t once checked his iPhone clock. He’s found himself feeling remarkably clever: interested, and in equal measure, interesting. Girl bobs and weaves from witty banter to searing insight to sexual innuendo, every so often giggling with the levity of a child. Boy shares things about himself he’s never shared with anyone. About which Girl makes cogent comments so dead-on they scare him.
By the time they stop talking he’s raw with exposure. Tingling all over. Brimful and spent. Boy has no idea WTF just happened, but he wants it to happen again.
And it does.
Big Conversation #1 is followed by Big Conversations #2-20. The more Boy talks, the more Girl listens. She gives advice. She understands. It’s like she’s Boy’s very own little personal Oprah in drawstring scrubs and a wifebeater.
Before Boy knows it, he’s calling Girl daily. Texting, e-mailing, IM’ing from work. He’s never met a girl this witty, deep, and/or down-to-earth in his life. It’s almost like she’s not a girl (besides her wildly-increasing good looks). She swears like a trucker, jokes about sex, and eats him under the table. Soon, he can’t stop smiling around the office, remembering something she said last night. He’s catching himself doing the little things she says he does (e.g. avoiding confrontation, slouching). Somehow it doesn’t bother Boy that Girl makes a point of correcting his flaws. He finds the sharp tongue sexy, and adores the cutting wit.
See Girl, sexy.
See Boy, sprung.
It must be that he’s into her.
2.
Weeks pass. The magic doesn’t. Is this Boy’s soul mate? Could this be L***? Sure, they haven’t put a label on what they’re doing. But he’s a boy: he doesn’t need to. Sure, certain things stick out to him: (1) the majority of Girl’s “closest friends” are boys; (2) she never says whether she’s doing whatever they’re doing with someone else. But Boy doesn’t care. When he adds it all up⎯how well she understands him, how quickly they clicked⎯Boy knows Girl is something special. And, come on. Let’s be frank. Girl’s a girl. Eventually, she’ll come knocking on his door, asking for a commitment, as all girls do. He’ll just wait.
And so Boy waits.
And waits. And waits. And waits. His boys start to ask, “What’s up with your girl?” He scoffs at their chiding; they don’t understand. Boy has never felt so comfortable so soon with so sexy a woman in his life. Yeah, she’s a little skittish about commitment⎯but so is he, and all of his friends. It’s refreshing to have finally found a girl who isn’t trying to tie him down. It works. Girl doesn’t like to rush into things and Boy doesn’t want a relationship. If anything, he finds it funny how much her game resembles his.This is a story of Boy Meets Girl…of the fabulous start to a More-Than-Just-Friendship…of Girl’s gift for... more