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Coach look-a-like tricks Mexican national team
A British comedian convinced the Mexican national team that he was their coach, Sven-Goran Eriksson. The poser, was given a tour of Club Universidad Nacional's stadium.
The Mexican football federation has issued a warning to their clubs, that there is an impostor on the loose. A British comedian convinced the Mexican national team that he was their coach, Sven-Goran Eriksson. The poser, was given a tour of Cl... more -
Life's Lessons Bullshit and Brilliance: Short Story
My Dad sent me this. Silly but appreciated...
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says,
'Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts .. age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill!
Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience. My Dad sent me this. Silly but appreciated... ... more -
Getting into Celebrity Events Uninvited
Crashers goes to all star game with out invite, tickets or passes, make it to front row and sit next to ex-chief of LAPD Brenard Parks and his family. Keep in mind we are not suppose to be in the building
Go Hard Entertainment Crashers goes to all star game with out invite, tickets or passes, make it to front row and sit next to ex-chief of LAPD Brenard Parks... more -
South Pole: The dream
Heh, this is quite appropriate in California this week!
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Yard Work - As Viewed from Heaven from Bill Brown at NM Global Warming
On a lighter note from our friend Bill Brown at New Mexico Global Warming up in Taos, New Mexico.
_________________
"Greetings, All -- For your amusement, a conversation in Heaven about realities on Earth.
-- Bill Brown
YARD WORK - AS VIEWED FROM HEAVEN
(overheard in a conversation between God and St. Francis):
God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the
world is going on down there in the U.S.? What happened to the
dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago?
I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow
in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with
abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to
see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of
green.
St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are
called the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers
"weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them
with grass.
God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't
attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms.
It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites
really want grass growing there?
St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a
little, they cut it....sometimes two times a week.
God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?
St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put
it in bags.
God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it
away.
God: Now let me get this straight...they fertilize it to make it
grow and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it
away?
St. Francis: Yes, sir.
God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we
cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows
the growth and saves them a lot of work.
St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the
grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more
money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get
rid of it.
God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees.
That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade
in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a
natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost
to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves
fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to
have them hauled away.
God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree
roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
St Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy
something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around
in place of the leaves.
God: And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make
mulch.
God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore.
Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have
you scheduled for us tonight?
St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid
movie about...
God: Never mind -I think I just heard the whole story from Saint
Francis!"
Bill Brown
www.nmglobalwarming.org
______________________________
from TouchArt.net and OneEarthBlog.blogspot.com On a lighter note from our friend Bill Brown at New Mexico Global Warming up in Taos, New Mexico. _________________ ... more -
Genpets - Lab produced pets for your home!
What would you think of owning one of these?? A very cool site that gets you thinking...but thats all its truly for...
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McCain jokes about bombing Iran
Iran is home to one of the world's oldest continuous major civilizations, with historical and urban settlements dating back to 4000 BC.[6][7][8] Throughout history, Iran has been of geostrategic importance because of its central location in Eurasia and is a regional power.[9][10] Iran is a founding member of the UN, NAM, OIC, and OPEC. The political system of Iran, based on the 1979 Constitution, comprises several intricately connected governing bodies. The highest state authority is the Supreme Leader.
Iran occupies an important position in international energy security and world economy as a result of its large reserves of petroleum and natural gas.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iran Iran is home to one of the world's oldest continuous major civilizations, with historical and urban settlements dating back to 4000 BC... more -
30 hours and 10 minutes non-stop Joking Limca Records in India
There are as many people waiting for their calls to get connected as those on the waiting list for telephone connection. This was the joke making the rounds in the past and before technology improved a lot, said BSNL general manager P.
Nagaraju aptly at a function on Thursday evening when Nanduri Prabhakar completed his 30 hours and 10 minutes non-stop rendering of jokes in his bid to enter the Limca Book of Records.
For More News http://www.worldamazingrecords.com
There are as many people waiting for their calls to get connected as those on the waiting list for telephone connection. This was the ... more -
25 Funniest Country Song Titles
Country music, whether you love it or hate is as some of the funniest song titles. These are 25 song titles that are guaranteed to make you laugh! Song titles include 'Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head)' and 'You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly'. Country music, whether you love it or hate is as some of the funniest song titles. These are 25 song titles that are guaranteed to mak... more
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Learn to Hug: A,B,C's of Hugz
The A,B,C's of hugs is just right if you're just learning about hugs! Includes everything you need to know to get started, starring me and my three foot tall Carebear, aww! The A,B,C's of hugs is just right if you're just learning about hugs! Includes everything you need to know to get started, starring me... more
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Conan O'Brien's stalker pleads guilty
"The priest accused of stalking Conan O'Brien has copped to unauthorized entry of the hallowed Cone Zone.
The Rev. David Ajemian pleaded guilty in New York Tuesday to disorderly conduct stemming from his lengthy tenure as one of the late-night host's "most dangerous fans.""
A priest stalker? Did he notice Conan's not 10 years old? Should I leave those jokes to the late night hosts? "The priest accused of stalking Conan O'Brien has copped to unauthorized entry of the hallowed Cone Zone. ... more -
50 funniest jokes ever?
"To assemble this collection of jokes, The Post contacted dozens of comics, ranging from top-dollar headliners in Vegas to regulars on "Late Night" and "The Daily Show" to up-and-comers who do alt-comedy at local bars. We asked them to tell us the best gag they'd written in the past year and their favorite punch line delivered by another comedian. So according to some of the funniest people on earth, these are the 50 most hilarious jokes of the last 12 months, whether they were told in nightclubs, on television or around a platter of fries at a late-night diner meal. Feel free to incite your own laugh riot."
"To assemble this collection of jokes, The Post contacted dozens of comics, ranging from top-dollar headliners in Vegas to regulars on... more -
Australian PM makes a 'joke' about Bush and gets grief? Huh?
Australia's prime minister came under fire at home Friday over a playful salute he gave President Bush at a NATO summit, which critics said seemed to suggest Australian subservience to Washington.
Australian television repeatedly broadcast videos of the gesture Thursday on the sidelines of the Bucharest summit and speculated about what it meant, while opposition lawmakers said it belittled Australia.
"We are not the 51st state of the United States of America and Mr. Rudd's salute carried a subservient connotation many Australians won't like," said Bob Brown, leader of the minor opposition Greens party.
The salute revived memories of Southeast Asian countries, including Malaysia, accusing Australia under former Prime Minister John Howard of being too close to Bush and too willing to adopt hawkish U.S. foreign policy. Australia's prime minister came under fire at home Friday over a playful salute he gave President Bush at a NATO summit, which critics... more -
Everyone's got jokes today
even collegehumor.com! Go to the site, see for yourself.
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Don't humiliate yourself again on April Fools' Day
If you still feel red-faced every time you spot PC Computing magazine, having fumed along to their 1994 report on 'legislative efforts to ban the use of the Internet while drunk', Slate has a handy guide to arm yourself against April Fools' press pranks. Forewarned is forearmed, ok? Beware strange animals; shun the British press ("the British tabloids make stories up all the time, but on April Fool's Day, everybody on Fleet Street fabricates"), and finish reading that article before you spread the incredible news around the office. Hit the link for the full guide. If you still feel red-faced every time you spot PC Computing magazine, having fumed along to their 1994 report on 'legislative efforts... more
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Funny man tells lacoste joke
Good oldlad in the snooker club tells me a joke about Lacoste.
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World's First Weed Vending Machine
Most of your essentials are already distributed by vending machines such as condoms, electronics, luscious 1-calorie Tab...but now you can get medical marijuana! Most of your essentials are already distributed by vending machines such as condoms, electronics, luscious 1-calorie Tab...but now you... more
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The best of Ralph Wiggum
Ralph Wiggum, Bart and Lisa's loveable frustrating retarded friend from school is a living legend outside of the Simpsons. Here is a look at his best moments so far. Ralph Wiggum, Bart and Lisa's loveable frustrating retarded friend from school is a living legend outside of the Simpsons. Here is a l... more
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