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Things you’d love to say aloud at work
1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t.
2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don’t work here, I’m a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
10. Ahhh…I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn.
14. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
16. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
17. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
18. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
19. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
20. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
21. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
22. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
23. Chaos, panic, and disorder — my work here is done.
24. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
25. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t. ... more -
Modern office distractions cost billions
According to the received wisdom, computers are a godsend for productivity. Word processors relieve us of the burdens of flawless typing; digital files zip onscreen faster than the paper kind can be found and are easily mined for the smallest detail; and the Internet, with its document sharing and virtual conferencing, offers new paths to smooth workplace collaboration.
But the practical experience of working in a modern office can be remarkably frazzled. Instant-communications technology and the natural impatience of co-workers and bosses can create an unholy alliance designed, it seems, to rob the workday of any sustained interval of unbroken attention to a particular task. Social life, allegedly enhanced as networks of acquaintances wire themselves over networks of computer hardware, can be equally jumpy, with constant "friend requests" and "status updates." From email to instant messaging to Twitter - an update service devoted to what-are-you-doing-at-this- moment inanity – the interval between interruptions appears to be approaching zero.
In "Distracted," the free-lance writer Maggie Jackson takes a searching look at this trend, especially the distractions that technology has helped to bring about. The result is a scattershot tour that ranges from anthropology and neuroscience to fast food and the rites of meditating monks. Along the way, Ms. Jackson samples from the thinking of a series of experts – often described as visionaries or mavericks – who study our habits of attentiveness and diversion. The result is more reverie than argument, but "Distracted" does concentrate the mind on a real problem of modern life.
In the workplace, a distracted knowledge worker is a fallow asset. Thus current research into worker habits is especially valuable. In the spirit of Fredrick W. Taylor's scientific management, Ms. Jackson reports, researchers have found that workers "typically change tasks every three minutes" and "take about twenty-five minutes to return to an interrupted task . . . usually plugging into two other work projects in the interim." By one estimate, "interruptions take up to 2.1 hours of an average worker's day and cost the US economy $588 billion a year." Many distractions turn out to be self-initiated: It appears that we just can't wait to read the next email or blog entry or check to see what might be happening in an online discussion.
So what to do? In "Distracted," self-discipline proves the key to the attention puzzle. Martin Seligman and Angela Lee Duckworth, two psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania, recently adapted a famous experiment that tested the willingness of young children to defer gratification: If you put them in a room with some prize – a toy, a marshmallow, an envelope full of money – will they take the prize immediately or hold out for a greater future reward?
In the end, Ms. Jackson makes her way to a Buddhist monastery, where people are learning to practice samatha – that is, to exercise voluntary control over their attention. Mountain retreats may not be for everyone, but the spirit of such an effort makes obvious sense in an era of information glut and tech-driven interruptions. Of course, if samatha – or something like it – turns out to be a good idea, it will be blogged about, praised in group emails, discussed online and debated in instant messages. Work will just have to wait. According to the received wisdom, computers are a godsend for productivity. Word processors relieve us of the burdens of flawless typi... more -
Office meltdown
Although I knew that the possibility of an “outrage at work” like this might exist, I actually never expected to see it this way and on camera. A person unleashes a tidal wave of aggression on everyone and everything at an office after, what seems to be, a superior tips his scale of patience out of balance and into the point of madness. Although I knew that the possibility of an “outrage at work” like this might exist, I actually never expected to see it this way and o... more
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Don't work too hard
Office worker goes absolutely insane.
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What to do with 400 bags of Wotsits and an empty office
Dump them into the office of an unsuspecting co-worker while he's out at lunch, of course.
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Reminds me of the scene in "Office Space" where the guy with the red stapler is moved to the basement!
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Working in Groups - Cubicles Survival Guide
Most people work in pairs, yet our workspaces are designed for one. This episode explores some solutions to accommodating more people without giving up space. Most people work in pairs, yet our workspaces are designed for one. This episode explores some solutions to accommodating more people ... more
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Texas Office Worker Shoots Himself In The Legs
A 47-year-old man was shot in both legs when he accidentally discharged a handgun while sitting in his cubicle at an insurance office, police said. Ahhh, Texas. A 47-year-old man was shot in both legs when he accidentally discharged a handgun while sitting in his cubicle at an insurance office,... more
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Protect Your Cubicle!
Keep intruders away from all the goodies you keep stashed in your cubicle!
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