How money matters can affect relationships

There aren’t many taboos left in modern society, but here’s a big one: The delicate relationship between love and money.

Mixing romance with financial considerations can seem cynical or crass to some but new research reveals money can very much shape your partnership prospects – in the opinion of younger generations, especially.

Among Gen Z, for instance, an eye-popping 78% say that one’s salary determines whether true love is in the cards, according to a new survey commissioned by Current and conducted by Talker Research.

Data like that raises the question: Can getting one’s financial house in order – more resources, less debt, a cleaner credit record, a higher credit score – actually improve one’s romantic prospects? In people’s opinions, the answer seems to be yes. 

In the same vein, wanting to know about a partner’s finances isn’t necessarily superficial. It’s one piece in a larger puzzle of understanding what someone is all about and how they handle the complexities of life.

“A credit score is a behavior report, and behavior is exactly what you should care about in a partner,” says Doug Boneparth, a financial planner and author (with wife Heather) of the new book “Money Together”.

“It shows whether someone pays what they owe, how much they've borrowed, and whether they’ve had to dig out of a hole before. None of that is automatically disqualifying, but it’s definitely worth understanding.”

Especially since money can often be the source of eventual breakups. In the survey, 15% of respondents said that money issues – including constant borrowing, and general irresponsibility – led directly to a breakup. Among Gen Z, that figure rose to 25%.

The obvious solution here is to make sure your money behavior is a plus, rather than a minus. Whatever you or your partner happen to own, or earn, here are a few ways to approach this touchy issue:

-Consider credit history, not just salary. Annual income doesn’t tell you much about responsibility and reliability. Someone could have a million-dollar salary and still be in massive debt, while another person might make $40,000 but live well within their means. 

Credit, however, always tells an interesting story. “It is much easier to ask someone their credit score than to ask them their salary or net worth,” says Thomas Balcom, a financial planner in Lighthouse Point, Fla. “A credit score provides a quick snapshot into someone’s financial life without being too intrusive.

“If the relationship is progressing, it’s good to know that you are not about to step on a figurative land mine. My wife still teases me to this day about having a much higher credit score when we began dating, so I have firsthand knowledge about this topic.”

-Don’t require a certain number. In the traditional FICO credit scoring system, 850 is the gold standard, the perfect number that everyone is striving for. Meanwhile 740 or above is seen as “very good,” a level that typically grants you access to very favorable lending rates.

It certainly couldn’t hurt your prospects to boost your own number. If yours could use some improvement, consider a secured charge card like Current’s Build Card, where members have seen their credit scores rise by an average of 81 points over the first six months.

But whatever a partner’s score is, use that information to understand their story and where they’re headed, and not as an excuse to eliminate them unnecessarily. “It’s important to remember that you're not shopping for a perfect number,” says Boneparth. “You’re ultimately looking for someone who can talk about their money without getting defensive. 

“A 620 with an honest explanation and a plan beats a 780 who won't discuss it. The score tells you a little, but the conversation can tell you everything.”

-Merge your money lives, thoughtfully. Different couples have different approaches to combining financial accounts, which is perfectly fine. Some may choose to merge everything, some may keep assets individually, and some may arrange a blend of both. 

But when making big purchases together – applying for a home mortgage, for instance – credit histories are certainly going to be required. If that information is going to come to light anyways, better to have those conversations beforehand, rather than encountering any surprises in a mortgage broker’s office.

“Many couples who live together are already co-signing lease agreements, splitting bills, and planning for their future,” says Easton Price, a financial planner in Irvine, Calif. “To plan effectively, you have to know where you're at as a starting point, and whether there are any potential stumbling blocks.”

-Get the timing right. Since love and money is such an emotional and explosive issue, you should adopt a Goldilocks approach: Not too early, not too late, but just right.

A first-date grilling on money behavior would obviously be weird and off-putting. But eventually, before the relationship train is too far down the tracks, you want to have an open and honest conversation about how you both think about finances.

“Timing is a big part of it,” says Boneparth. “Before you merge lives by moving in, getting married, or buying something significant together, you both need the full financial picture, credit included. The point isn’t to audit each other. It’s to build the habit of talking about money before it becomes a problem.”