How to talk about money with family at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is one of the few times of year when multiple generations sit in the same room, which makes it a natural (if tricky) moment to bring up money. The key is to keep the conversation off the dinner table itself, give everyone a heads-up, and approach the talk with a spirit of helpfulness rather than judgment.

Handled well, a family money conversation can protect older relatives from scams, set younger family members on the right financial foot, and solve real problems together. Handled badly, it can turn a holiday into a fight. Here is how to do it right.

Is Thanksgiving a good time to talk about money with family?

Yes, as long as you plan it instead of springing it on people. Thanksgiving gathers the whole family in one place, which is rare, and that makes it a practical window for financial conversations that need to happen.

Mixing family, money, and emotion at the same table can still go sideways fast. Anyone who has seen the Thanksgiving episode of TV's "The Bear" knows how quickly a holiday dinner can collapse into chaos.

"Thanksgiving can be a good opportunity to start a family financial conversation," says Mitchell Kraus, a financial planner with LPL Financial in Santa Monica, Calif. "But nobody wants to be ambushed between the turkey and pumpkin pie."

Many people would rather skip the topic entirely. According to one survey from Empower, 72% say families shouldn't talk about things like debt or bills at the Thanksgiving table, and 66% say salary chit-chat should be off the table as well.

Even so, families don't talk about money as much as they should, and the holiday weekend is one of the rare windows to do it.

When should you have the money talk at Thanksgiving?

Schedule the money talk for another time during the holiday weekend, not during the meal itself. Thanksgiving usually involves a few days together as a family, so you can leave the marquee dinner to more enjoyable conversation and set aside a separate slot for financial topics.

Let people know in advance so no one feels cornered. A short, scheduled conversation is far more productive than an unexpected one.

"I would not make the holiday dinner itself the financial meeting," says Kraus. "The best approach is to let family members know ahead of time that you would like to spend 20 or 30 minutes talking about a few family financial issues."

How do you help younger family members get started with money?

Use the gathering to pass down practical financial basics: opening a first account, getting a first credit card, making sure savings are actually earning something, and building a strong credit record that will earn favorable rates in the years ahead. Older generations have hard-won wisdom, and a multi-generational holiday is a natural moment to share it.

Historically, money has been an extremely taboo subject. According to one Fidelity survey, 56% of people say their parents never even discussed it with them. Times are changing, though, and now four out of five people recognize just how important it is for parents to talk money with children.

A few concrete starting points for a younger family member:

1. Open a first checking and savings account. Current's spending accounts can be great for people who are just getting started as they have no minimum balance requirements and don’t charge overdraft fees.
2. Build credit without taking on risky debt. A secured charge card is a great way to help build your credit score while minimizing the risks of debt. Current's Build Card is one example. Members have an average 81 point credit score increase six months after using the Build Card.
3. Make sure savings earn a decent return. On Current, the money you're looking to save rather than spend can earn up to a 4.00% annual bonus on the funds in your Savings Pods, compared to the scant .01% often offered by large national banks.

How do you protect older relatives from financial scams?

Put safeguards in place before a scam happens: add another set of eyes to older relatives' financial accounts (even a third-party financial advisor), and make sure they know what criminals are currently doing. The harsh reality is that seniors are ripe targets for financial scams, and the cons are getting more sophisticated.

These days, AI programs are even impersonating family members in an attempt to gain access to accounts. Simply knowing that these scams exist is a strong first line of defense.

"It's a good opportunity to make sure that your older family members understand how to protect themselves from scams," says Robert Persichitte, a financial planner in Arvada, Colo. "Share stories about common scams and how people fall for them – and try to tell it as an anecdote you heard, so you don't sound preachy."

What tone should a family money conversation take?

Keep the tone positive and practical. The point of a Thanksgiving money chat isn't to point fingers or make anyone feel bad. It's to bring clarity, set goals together, offer advice or contacts, and be genuinely helpful to each other.

The situations that call for a family conversation are often sensitive. A family may need to discuss how to pay for the care of an elderly parent. Someone may have been laid off and could use temporary help to get by. A recent college grad may be coping with student debt and need advice on how to handle it all. In every case, lead with support.

"Refrain from judgement or blame," advises Lucas Bucl, a financial planner in Overland Park, Kansas. "Money is often taboo because people are worried about exposing their mistakes or lack of knowledge. Make sure everyone is coming to the conversation with a goal of understanding."